Addition Problems

Moving Time

2008-06-26T18:47:00.000-04:00

While still a little imperfect, our new blog is active, so we'll be posting there to escape the word verification spam blog mess. Join us at http://additionproblems.wordpress.com/

Too Tired to be Tightwads

2008-06-25T21:47:00.000-04:00

Tightwad Tuesday is taking a short hiatus due to vacation-induced insanity. It'll be back by next week, we hope.

On the up side:

We're having lovely visits with various family members featuring fireworks and planting with my mom and baseball with my dad.
Natalie is starting to relax around the dogs, walking by them independently, talking to them, and even offering her hand for them to sniff.
The frenzied getting into everything that we witnessed the other day was partially related to fatigue and overexcitement about our arrival. With a little more rest and settling in, Natalie is a little less...manic. Which is nice.

On the down side:

The process of importing to WP has been less than smooth, so our move has been delayed. They've reset the new blog now, so as soon as we can redo stuff and (hopefully) successfully import, we'll send you to our new address.
My mom has pantry moths. Rather thoroughly. Jen and I spent the afternoon/evening cleaning out the pantry, throwing things away, putting other things in bins for observation, washing shelves, etc. More to do tomorrow, though the really intense stuff is finished. While oddly satisfying, it was also more than a little exhausting.
My mom got a call yesterday morning from family in Pittsburgh. My uncle's decades-long battle with HIV/AIDS has ended. This is not unexpected, but still a time of many emotions for my family. We'll have a memorial service full of his music at the end of July.

And now, we're off to bed.

Cars 2, Vacation 0

2008-06-23T11:44:00.000-04:00

Urgh. Now we have a flat. Not only do we have a flat, but I'm pretty sure it's the tire we had to replace a few months ago (when we discovered that our lovely, affordable, decent-mileage, 6-seater-but-not-a-minivan has ludicrously expensive tires). They've been rotated, so I am not 100% sure, but about 98%. Anyway, earlier in the week, Cait noticed that it had picked up a screw in this tire, so before we left I took it by our mechanic, who pulled the screw and said it hadn't punctured all the way through. He put some goop on it and it didn't bubble so no air was escaping. And I made sure to tell him we were driving 600+ miles in the next few days.

So now we wait for the roadside people to come and change the tire. (Yes, we can change a tire but you know, 1. we pay for the roadside assistance, 2. this is supposed to be a vacation, 3. we're indoors with a sleeping child and Internet access, 4. it's raining and 5. does there need to be a 5? Oh, yeah, the lug nuts on these wheels are a total bitch to unscrew, as we learned last time.) Then it's off to the tire store, hopefully to have it plugged rather than to buy another new tire or two.

And there IS NO SUCH THING as a vacation with a 2 year old. Grandma's house is like one big booby trap and we spend all our time keeping her out of stuff. Plus, she's terrified of the big, lovable dog who would love to play with her.

On the other hand, we aren't working, we have tons of relatives around dying to see us, and there are fireworks in our future. It ain't all bad.

The Indirect Route

2008-06-22T21:09:00.000-04:00

I'm glad we didn't continue to blog our road trip via text messages, as we didn't realize they were getting caught in the spam filter. Grrr. The migration to WP will be completed in less than 24 hours, I daresay.

Anyway, we arrived, safe and sound, if a little insane earlier this evening. We did our typical 600 miles in 2 days (stopping over at great-grandma's), with visits to practically every rest stop between points A, B, and C. (A potty training toddler, a rather pregnant mom, and a menstruating mom is NOT a good road trip combo!) Natalie did a great job -- but a great job for a two year old DOES involve a lot of repetitive questioning, insistence on "Natalie music!" at all times, often the same CD, track, or phrase (not always granted), frequent demands to "Eat!", and not much napping at all. Cait and I planned to keep ourselves awake and focused by discussing name options for (not-so?) wee Carbo, but really didn't get much of anywhere (other than Anna... but we couldn't decide on a middle name. One? Two? Onetwothree?).

We did recover from the adrenaline rush and terror of the near-miss at the start of our trip. It was truly terrifying and miraculous. The driver of the SUV lost control of his car, went up on the embankment, struck a very tall (metal) lamppost, and spun across 4 lanes of traffic, slamming into the wall of the underpass and coming to a stop. He did not hit any other vehicles and seemed fine as we drove past (others were stopping to lend aid). The lamppost (at least 40 feet tall) broke in two, hovered above our roof and windshield for a heart-stopping eternity, and then crashed to the shoulder, hitting no one. Natalie was oblivious to the entire incident, I shook and heaved silently for a few minutes after we continued on, and Cait muttered "I can't believe it didn't hit us" repeatedly.

So now we're at Grandma's and we've already paid a visit to Grandpa. We hope to do a lot of relaxing, reading, Samurai Sudoku, and just general hanging out for the next couple of weeks. Midwestern blogfriends, we're also up for getting together - drop us a line if you want to hang out!

Next stop: WP.

2008-06-21T10:26:00.002-04:00

Car in front of us spun out of control across the beltway. Sent lamppost flying into the air directly above our car. Somehow everyone ok. Still shaking.

2008-06-21T09:59:00.002-04:00

9:51. Before even leaving the parking lot: eat? Natalie music? Green eggs and ham? Gonna be a long drive.

3 months to go?!?!?

2008-06-19T22:50:00.002-04:00

3 months to go?!?!?, originally uploaded by jrustdc.

Holy cannoli. I feel like a whale! I cannot believe I am going to grow and grow and grow for 12 more weeks! I am definitely bigger than I was at this point with Natalie.

Tightwad WEDNESDAY: We're from the Internet and We're Here to Help

2008-06-18T21:04:00.000-04:00

So far so good - no outages at home or school, and I was even able to upload some files that were so big that they'd previously overwhelmed our outdated upload bandwidth! In honor of this, and since folks were asking for it, AND since it was what was on my mind anyway, we'll make the Internet the focus of this week's TT (or TW, in this case).

How do you use online resources to help you save money? (Or conversely... how does the Internet derail your savings strategies?) Since I haven't beaten the fuel cost dead horse QUITE thoroughly enough, I'll start with two gas related items, but have some others to share as well.

There are myriad websites to help you find the cheapest gas station in a given locale. GasBuddy was quite current but its map interface isn't particularly user friendly. GasPriceWatch has a great map interface, but had dated prices in the three test areas I used (my neighborhood, where I work, and Cait's mom's neighborhood, where we'll soon be visiting). Mapquest's site really puts it in context, with national low and high prices listed at the top of the page. Their map is relatively simple to operate (with all of the Mapquest quirks you know and hate) but they don't have a lot of station data. None is perfect, but I went ahead and bookmarked GasBuddy.
That $60 gadget I linked to last week? It's SO primitive, compared to THIS gizmo! Again, $160 is not exactly a tightwad approach but reviews and articles I've read suggest that most people would see at least a 5% improvement in fuel economy - so it would pay for itself within a year or two for most people.
The best way to save money online, of course, is to shop around. You need to factor in shipping costs, but we have bought all kinds of things in bulk online (everything from OTC medicines to cereal) cheaper than we could have locally. Often the big name sites are good for this, if you know the price you need to beat.
Price comparison and product review sites like epinions, MySimon, and the-website-formerly-known-as-Froogle can be useful, too, although I can end up wasting a lot of time and not end up finding much of a deal.
Good ole Google is sometimes my best online savings assistant. I try to remember always to search for coupons and deals before buying anything online, and have sometimes come up with really good deals. (And some duds - if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.)

There are tons of other sites and ways to save money... what are your favorites?

I plan to update the post with any links you provide in the comments, and will try to do so as quickly as possible. Thanks in advance for your suggestions!

Tightwad Tuesday: The Curse

2008-06-17T22:00:00.001-04:00

I have decided that Tightwad Tuesday is cursed. At least 3 out of 6 Tuesdays since I started this, I've had to deal with an Internet outage. Two at home (maybe 3, they blur together) and this morning at work, we were without Internet (and much of our intranet) access for most of the morning. When I have 3 days left and a giant To Do list, the vast majority of which (ordering books) requires simultaneous use of at least 4 websites. Argh.

And then, the curse continued, because once I got home, I, uh, forgot to write TT. And it is now late and I am very tired. So we'll try Wednesday this week and see if it's any better. (But if my work access is down again tomorrow, I may have to cancel this week!)

What's the sign for astonished?

2008-06-16T21:34:00.003-04:00

Take that, Prizey!, originally uploaded by jrustdc.

So I still may be the Biggest Prizey Loser EVAH! but I don't care!! A few hours after I put up my whiny post about the empty package that came in the mail, I was astonished to get an email notifying me that RACHEL COLEMAN had commented on the post. I was like a giddy kid!

Here's the transcript of the chat I had with Cait seconds later:
me: HOLY FUCKING SHIT
cait: what?
me: "Rachel Coleman has left a new comment on your post "The Biggest Prizey Loser EVAH!" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cait: oh my god
me: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
cait: that's awesome

That alone would have made up for the missing prize, but Rachel generously offered to make us "The Biggest Signing Time Winners EVAH!"... and did she ever come through! Friday we got this glorious package. Natalie had been up too late the night before so we didn't dare open the package before she went to bed, but the temptation was too strong for her bad, star-struck moms to avoid. We opened the box and oohed and aahed and giggled.

Especially at THIS:

When we showed the box and its contents to Natalie the next morning, she bounced with glee. She's watched one video already and has a marvelous new vocabulary of animal signs (we can now ask which animal she wants for her morning vitamin in sign!). And there are so many more to explore!

I am signing a VERY big thank you to you right now, Rachel. This was beyond our wildest dreams!

Things We Want to Blog About

2008-06-15T22:28:00.000-04:00

It's been a hella busy weekend, so these are just WOUs.

The amazing package we got from Rachel at Signing Time!
Our CSA report (and how I keep losing vegetables)
Marching in the Pride Parade again (Natalie is a total Diva..)
28 week belly pic (I guess we should take one, hmm?)
Moving to Wordpress in the near future
A bubbly (grand)Father's Day

It's way past our bedtime, so the bullets will have to suffice for now.

Argh!

2008-06-11T10:14:00.001-04:00

WTF! Blogger has decided that AddProbs seems like a spam blog! So for now, anytime we want to post, we have to type that stupid word verification thing in FOR OUR OWN BLOG. Profiling in blogland -- and if you read their info, we don't even fit the profile!

Don't get me wrong - I hate spam as much as the next person. And I like that the WV does cut down on the amount of spam comments we get. But having to do WV for my own posts - aaaack! And as someone noted a while ago, the WVs do seem to be getting much trickier. I usually have to try 3 or 4 times before I get it right. (Already on try ~~two~~ three for this post.)

I so hate how our society has to impose draconian measures on everyone to weed out a few moronic assholes.

Tightwad Tuesday: Gas Recap and FREEBIES!

2008-06-10T20:27:00.002-04:00

Last week's discussion on fuel economy was lively and useful. I thought I'd highlight a few key tips in case anyone didn't read all the way through the comments. I'll also steer (ha!) in a new direction at the end of the post and talk a little about the possibility of saving money on some fun freebies (so even those who don't drive can get something out of this post... cough! Shelli! cough!).

While many suggestions are debatable, I have yet to see anyone disagree here or elsewhere with the suggestion to keep your tires properly inflated. It may be the simplest and least expensive gas saving tip there is.
The jury's out on whether A/C or the drag from open windows is worse at low speeds, but on the highway you're better off with the windows closed.
Although the highway signs drive me mad (somehow the grammar and/or diction just seem off) Maryland is onto something with their admonition to "drive gently". Gentle starts, smooth acceleration, and engine braking/gradual stopping all conserve gas. In fact, the day after I posted last week, there was a post on a listserv I belong to about a gadget that will "train" you to drive smoothly. The review is promising, as the test drivers did achieve impressive savings the first time they used it. However, I don't know that a $60.00 gizmo is compatible with tightwaddery - I'm just paying attention to the way I drive - but it's cheaper than buying a Prius with its fancy onboard fuel meter (I would so love a Prius... maybe someday?).

Enough gassing about gas - onto the freebies and cheapies!

BPA Free Bottles & Sippies
Unless you live under a rock, you've probably heard about the hazards of BPA. I've known about it for a couple of years, courtesy of Jo, and have been on a mad campaign to eradicate plastic from our lives (even BPA free plastic, because who knows what may be wrong with it??? Cait thinks I'm a little obsessed...). But I haven't known what to do with our extensive stock of Dr. Brown's bottles (one of the worst offenders) and our smaller collection of sippy cups with BPA. My mom gave us some Born Free bottles and sippies for Natalie, so we'd stopped using the others, but I felt bad passing them on to someone else, and didn't want to just chuck them. So I stuck them in the basement.

Jude tipped me off to an exciting possibility some weeks ago - Babies R Us stores in her area were taking back ANY BPA items for store credit, regardless of age, condition, or presence of a receipt. Unfortunately, our local BRUs and TRUs weren't participating. Over the weeks there has been more attention and pressure regarding the issue, and it appears that BRU's corporate office has stepped in. When I called last weekend, the two BRUs in the area *ARE* now taking back BPA items, even though they had adamantly refused when I asked in May. You're unlikely to get blanket store credit, as the corporate policy is to exchange them for BPA-free items, but I think that's fair, and certainly better than boxes of bottles sitting in my basement. It is worth calling around, as one store insisted that I would have to exchange bottle for bottle, but the other allowed me to get a mix of bottles and sippies (with more new sippies and fewer bottles than I'd brought in).

If you have BPA items sitting around the house, I'd suggest exchanging them NOW, as there's still nothing in writing about this policy, and it may not last, or may get more restrictive. Need to know if any of your bottles, pacifiers, and other feeding items have BPA? Check out Z-Recs. It's a bit tricky to find what you're looking for but it is the most extensive resource I've found.

BPA's Bad for Grownups, Too
No baby bottles? Nalgene, beloved by outdoor enthusiasts/lesbians/weekend warriors (isn't that all synonymous?) for decades, turns out to be a particularly bad offender in the BPA world. They now have BPA free versions, but again, I'm scared about the future, so we have switched to metal water bottles. Sigg's lined aluminum bottles are attractive, and the kid ones are adorable, but there are other options, as they are pricey -- and so much in demand, they're difficult to get these days! I have a slightly less expensive stainless steel Klean Kanteen, but it doesn't handle being dropped well, and I'm a wee bit clumsy (ahem). The bottom is now rounded, despite my efforts to hammer it back into shape, so it won't stand up. Cait and Natalie have Siggs which have survived a similar number of falls without the same problem. However - and here's the tightwad tip - I was tipped off to Ecowaterbottle, a stainless steel bottle with a design very similar to Sigg's, at half the price! I hope to be testing them soon.

Starbucks Iced Coffee
In this hideous heat, what would be better than free iced coffee? How about SIX WEEKS of free iced coffee, from Starbucks no less? This one is a freebie, but with conditions. There was a coupon in our local paper last week promising free iced coffee EVERY WEDNESDAY from now until July 23. I got my first cup this morning, and the deal is as good as it sounds. In fact, they don't mark the coupon or anything, so presumably you could go from store to store on Wednesday until you are a twitchy, irritable, but well-cooled javahead! The fine print on the coupon says it's good "at participating stores* in CT, DC, DE, MA, MD, ME, MI, NH, NJ, NY, OH, PA, RI, VA, VT and WV" so those of you in the east or eastern midwest are golden! (And Cait and I can continue our frosty coffee ways while visiting the fam.)

If you don't have a card, participating stores were given a limited supply, so RUN, do not walk** to your nearest Starbucks and ask for one. Also, obnoxious people are SELLING them on eBay!! (No link 'cause I don't support that kind of profiteering...). If the store is out, ask for a manager - it never hurts to ask!

So stay cool, stay caffeinated, ease off the gas pedal, and get rid of those BPA-laden bottles, whether baby or otherwise. If you've got an idea for an upcoming TT topic, leave it in the comments!

*They always have to have an out, don't they?
**but don't drive if you can help it! ;)

Tightwad Tuesday 4: Gas Pains

2008-06-03T20:41:00.003-04:00

Having driven to NY and NJ for the weekend, the topic for this week's TT was pretty obvious: the skyrocketing cost of gas, and how to cope with it. It's not a subject I know that much about so I may have more questions than answers. I hope we have a lively discussion in the comments with lots of information added by YOU.

We all probably know the main solutions: walk more, bike more, take public transportation, carpool, drive less, drive a more fuel-efficient car. But some of them require a shift in attitude or behavior, others are challenging based on where you live or other circumstances of your life (I do know a mom who bikes with her two small children on a double-trail-a-bike, but that's not practical for many of us), and others are too expensive in the short term even if they save money or help the environment in the long run. We would have loved a hybrid but couldn't afford one that met our other needs (room for 6 for carpooling, etc.), and public transit, while widely available in our area, can cost us more out of pocket (not to mention time) than driving (even with ownership and maintenance figured in).

But as with so many things in life, it may be that the devil is in the details, and that we can make a difference with small changes, too.

Cait and I were debating whether it really saves money to drive with the windows down instead of A/C. Interestingly, I, who LOVELOVELOVE air conditioning, was arguing for open windows -- I think I was enjoying feeling a tiny bit martyred -- and Cait, who gets cold in JULY, was arguing for using the A/C because the open windows make too much drag. Turns out Cait was right as far as highway driving is concerned, but we're unclear about city/suburban driving at lower speeds and with lots of stop & go. Natalie turns out to be a big fan of open windows and was irritated this weekend that we used the A/C. "Put window down. DOOOOOWN!"

I've read a little about hypermiling but think it would probably make me nuts, and not result in much savings, but maybe I should learn more.

I know we should combine trips and plan better, but that's an area we have to work on... seeing as Cait went to the grocery store today and then I remembered something I really, truly must have tomorrow for a work event, so had to go back tonight. D'oh!

So what do you do with the constraints you have to maximize your gas dollars?

Lucky (Blogging for LGBT Families a little bit late)

2008-06-03T19:28:00.004-04:00

I snuggled Natalie a little extra long tonight. She was wiggly, and I was still all wound up inside from some stupid cohousing decision-making madness. We rocked, she fiddled with my hair, nuzzled her face into my neck, and we both slowly relaxed. Together we unwound until our breathing became long and slow and the tense muscles began to melt. While both still awake, we had each reached a state of calm that neither of us could have gotten to alone. I tucked her into her bed and left her room with a very physical reminder of just how lucky I am.

I've spent the last few days trying to decide what, exactly to blog about for Blogging for LGBT Families Day. With our internet outage, I've had extra time, but hadn't really reached any decision yet. Because, really, on the average day, we're just a family. We work at ordinary jobs and make far too little money for the energy put in. We adore our child and think that (almost) everything that comes out of her mouth is hilarious or brilliant. We wish we had more time in the world to do the things that are important to us. There is far too much clutter on our dining room table, and by the end of the week, we're exhausted and our house is a mess. Nothing about this is unique or revolutionary. It could be said about any family, regardless of parental sexual preference. And this is exactly why we're lucky.

Our families accept our family structure. While it might not have them jumping for joy, Jen's family respects me as Natalie's parent, and my family adores Natalie as their grandchild. We are lucky. We were able to do a second parent adoption, so legally I am as much Natalie's mother as Jen is. We are lucky. Jen's employer offers domestic partner benefits, which make it possible for me to stay insured while I care for our children next year. We are lucky. Both of our schools have been incredibly supportive as we've become more and more "out" in the process of creating our family. None of the families in my class have freaked out that a lesbian is teaching their children, and if they had, my principal would have backed me up as a qualified teacher. We are lucky. Our neighbors are friendly and are thrilled that we're having another child. We live in a part of the city where LGBT families are not uncommon, and we know other lesbian couples with children, and Natalie is certainly not the only child she knows with a family that doesn't fit the traditional mold. We are lucky. We have a child we adore, and another on the way. The dreams we had, independently and as a couple, of having children and being mothers are coming true. We are really, truly, incredibly lucky.

And yet, there are so many things in our life that straight families never have to think about. While I'm covered by Jen's health insurance, we pay taxes on the portion of the benefits covering me. This would not be the case if we were a married straight couple. We were audited by the IRS during Natalie's first year for something that would not have been an issue if we could file jointly. Our financial situation still has not recovered completely from the cost of Natalie's second parent adoption, and we have no idea how we're going to find the money to do it again. But we have to. The alternative is too scary. I carry around copies of the paperwork saying that I am Natalie's mom, and that I can visit Jen in the hospital, make decisions if she can't, etc. But if I ever don't have it in an emergency situation, I could very easily be denied access to either or both of them. At some point our daughter will either be the target of or a witness to some nasty comment (or worse) about her family. And then there are just the annoyances--not having an appropriate option to check for marital status, having to explain one's family to new doctors or random strangers on the street, dealing with quizzical looks when I tell uninformed people that Natalie will have a sibling in the fall.

In one of my "what should I post?" moments, I attempted to video an interview with Natalie about our family. It's so boring I'm not sure it's worth the effort to edit it into a coherent conversation. If only the rest of the world found our family as boring as Natalie does. Then maybe they'd leave us alone and just let us do all of the same things other families do. I'd love to consider myself lucky simply because I have a loving partner and a daughter to snuggle and tuck into bed at night, rather than lucky because being a family with them is not as much of a struggle as it could be.

As a bonus, here's a pic of Natalie this weekend at NJ Pride. She cried when she had to take that shirt off. "Want heart mom shirt."

NOT Blogging for LGBT Familes or TT... yet

2008-06-03T11:47:00.002-04:00

We have posts planned for Blogging for LGBT Familes day and Tightwad Tuesday, but our Internet connection went down last night just as we had time to start catching up on blogs and writing our own posts. It's still down.

If I get time at work I may do quick posts for either, but I've hit the busy time of year so it may not happen until tonight - and if the connection is still down, won't actually get posted until tomorrow.

In the meantime, entertain yourselves in the comments. :)

2008-05-31T10:49:00.001-04:00

So Chesapeake House rest stop has a whole hall of family bathrooms! And entire busloads of solo assholes using them b/c the line's shorter! Grrr.

The Biggest Prizey Loser EVAH!

2008-05-29T21:55:00.002-04:00

Ever since Art alerted our corner of the blogosphere to the wonder that is Prizey (by telling us about some of her fab swag), I've been clicking and typing away along with lots of my bloggy friends. One by one they've posted their wins, but I have had nothing to show for my efforts. But the tide changed last week when I got an email alerting me to my first Prizey win! I was moderately excited and knew Natalie would be thrilled (it was Signing Time stuff! With Alex! AND LEAH!!!!).

Then, in today's mail, I got a package! With one end torn off and rubber stamps from the Post Office all over it saying, "Received without contents". And no Prizey in sight. Wah.

Tightwad Tuesday 3: Snip, Snip, Snip

2008-05-27T15:37:00.005-04:00

So you've taken the plunge and drafted a budget (whether meticulous to the last penny or somewhat faster and looser), and now you're looking at the bottom line. If you're lucky, your bottom line is a positive number. If you're like most of us, it's a bit redder than that. But no matter what your final tally is, chances are you want or need to make some cuts. Another option would be to add income, but we'll look at that another time. Maybe you need to put more money into emergency, retirement, or college savings (in that order, please). Or maybe, like us, you need to find money to, uh, buy groceries.

There are many ways to trim your budget - you can look for big-ticket items, or small ones. Things that can be eliminated immediately, or reductions you can work towards over time. We're looking at all of them, but today I thought I'd focus on some of the small stuff. It really is true that the little things add up over time, and sometimes it's easier and faster to make small changes. While it won't solve all of your money worries, it is good discipline, and it does ultimately make a difference.

Small savings can be made in myriad ways, and every person or family will find a different approach. A friend of mine poured tons of her disposable income into cab rides, but made an effort to get up in time to take the bus or walk. She quickly started saving enough money to make a significant impact on her budget. Others may find that entertainment costs, clothing, gadgets, or hobbies are a bigger slice of the budget than necessary. For us, one key area on which to focus is food costs, including groceries, dining out, and snacking on the run.

We've already made a difference by recommitting to planning dinner menus for the week, and making sure some of the meals provide leftovers for lunches. Convenience foods - like the frozen lunches we used to fall back on far too often - are a quick way to add to the grocery bill. DIY is another way to save, and we already make artisan-type bread using the No-Knead Bread recipe. We're exploring other homemade options, too, but the reality is that we can't make everything and juggle jobs, a toddler, a pregnancy, and chronic illness. So we weigh the convenience versus the cost. Right now, for example, the convenience of canned beans outweighs the cost savings over dried. Perhaps later we'll change our minds.

Much like budgeting is essential to getting your finances in control, cost-comparisons are crucial in trimming spending on things like groceries, toiletries, or other disposable/perishable goods. Shelli keeps a price book where she writes down the cost of goods at various stores, and says after months of tracking prices, she doesn't really need the book - it's all in her head. I'm enough of a geek that I have to have a spreadsheet, so I made one up and printed it out. It lives in my bag, and every time I'm in a store, I jot down the prices on a few items (even if they aren't what I'm buying on that trip). Already it's helped me confirm that many goods really are cheaper - sometimes significantly - at Costco, but not everything.

The small things can also be some of the hardest to change, as they tend to come from the discretionary areas in your spending, so cutting back too quickly or severely can lead to feelings of deprivation and frustration, which may backfire and derail your entire financial plan (much like overly restrictive dieting can lead to a compensatory binge). We may eventually need to be more severe in our cutbacks, but so far have tried instead to reign in carefree spending and make sure that
1) we make the most cost effective purchase possible
2) we use what we buy (we've eaten some sad looking carrots lately, let me tell you)
3) we ENJOY what we eat and make it special, whether it's home-cooked or a treat from a restaurant.
We're not making dramatic eliminations from our grocery purchasing (except cereal - we did switch to oatmeal for breakfast because packaged cereal is SO expensive) and not stopping restaurant and snack purchases altogether, because I know that would make us all depressed and grumpy. So far it's working - and we're enjoying better meals as a result.

There's so much more I could write, but now it's your turn:

What is the area where you can really make small savings add up, and what are your tricks for doing so?

Things I Would Twitter About If I Had Twitter

2008-05-26T10:08:00.002-04:00

Mowing the lawn is one of the most rewarding home tasks in existence. Immediate results!
I cleaned my laptop screen and (most of) the keyboard. My computer may suck, but it sucks CLEANLY now. The screen is blinding in its shininess.
I did finally plant my bulbs, um, 5 or 6 months late. We'll see what, if anything, comes up next spring.
All weekends should be 3 day weekends.

Tightwad Tuesday 2: Knowledge is Power*

2008-05-20T20:02:00.002-04:00

Thanks for all the great comments on last week's post. Finances are a subject near and, well, painful, to my heart and I am glad to have the opportunity to think out loud and bounce ideas off such great friends and readers as you. Your comments touched on many things I hope to explore in the coming weeks: creative work arrangements, CSAs/Freecycle/co-ops and other community approaches to stretching resources, arts & museum memberships, and of course, libraries. :D Need I say more about libraries?

I do want to start by saying that I am NOT a financial expert. I'm a nerd with a lot of anxiety and issues around money, and up until this point in my life, my financial approach has been a cross between Aesop's ant and an ostrich: generally working hard and doing the right thing about money, but burying my head in the sand instead of really coming to grips with my money situation. But an ostrich can only live so long with its head in the ground, and our impending Year of Living Impecuniously means that it is time for me to face the facts. Yes, I am talking about a Budget with a capital B. True confession: I've never had a budget to date, and I'd probably be a lot better off right now if I ever had. But that's water under the bridge....

One of the things that kept me from making a budget for so many years was my tendency to perfectionism. I tried several times to sit down with financial software and keep track of EVERY PENNY. My grandparents did it (my grandmother still does - receipts for single candy bars! books of stamps! a bottle of water!), by hand, in a green ledger... and they have more money than anyone else I know personally. But each time I tried it, it was too overwhelming and soon got pushed aside. I always had enough to live on, health insurance, and something in savings (though sometimes a very small something). These last few years, with health challenges and the costs of medically assisted conception, we've been living closer to the wire than I found comfortable, but I still couldn't make the time to sit down and wrestle the numbers.

There's something about knowing that your household income is going to diminish significantly in the near future, while your expenses are NOT, that gives you the impetus to face the budgeting demon head on. In doing so, I learned something very valuable. I don't have to have a PERFECT budget. I don't have to know every expense to the last penny per kilowatt - and in fact, it's nearly impossible to do so. But even working with estimates and loose numbers has given me a much better understanding of our financial picture, for better or for (gulp) worse.

The weekend we made the first draft of our budget, we just looked at what we are spending now and our present income, compared with our anticipated income in the fall. There were no great revelations - we knew our biggest expenses and challenges would be housing, insurance, and our car - but we did get a pretty good idea of how big a gap we'd be looking at in the fall. It was simultaneously reassuring and terrifying. It actually helped my financial anxiety to have real numbers to work with ("Worst case scenario, we would amass X thousand in debt at the end of this year"), rather than the looming vague nightmares -- homelessness, repossession, living in my parents' basement -- I am so good at summoning. At the same time, it gave me a tangible lump in my throat: how are we going to trim that much money from a budget that is already so tight? Or, how will we make up the difference in income?

I think the best thing our budgeting exercise did was make us more conscious of our financial situation on a daily basis, while giving us motivation to start tackling the problem. We need to take it several steps further, getting more specific and monitoring what we are spending (if perhaps not quite as meticulously as my grandmother), but it's a start, and it's more than I've ever done. As the saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step....

Your turn: Do you have a budget? If not, why not? If you do, what system do you use? What do you like or hate about keeping a budget?

*Are you singing the Schoolhouse Rock song now? I am....

Second Child Syndrome

2008-05-16T20:59:00.002-04:00

I wanted to start this post by comparing the number of times the word "Harpo" appears in the archives versus the number of times "Carbo" does, but I couldn't find a tool that would do it for me (if you know of one, do let me know as I am curious). Eventually, I ran a word cloud analysis and suffice to say, Harpo showed up in a pretty decent font size and Carbo... did not.

Poor Carbo. Doomed already to a life with less attention, lots of hand-me-downs, and an older sibling who is likely to alternate hugs and kisses with pokes and smacks*. Unlike some parents anticipating the arrival of a second child, I have NO fears about being able to love this child as much as I do Natalie, but I do worry that this child is not going to get the undivided attention that has been heaped upon Natalie from moms, grandparents, and relatives galore. I know this isn't all bad, and second children tend to be more laid back and social than their often stressed-out firstborn siblings, but it's hard to ignore.

A few weeks ago Liza was giving me a good-natured hard time about my approach to this pregnancy, because not only do I have to stop and think for a moment to determine the exact gestational age of the baby, I also don't know any of the stats I could have quoted to you about then-Harpo at this point (date of my next MW appointment, estimated weight at the Level II u/s, umm... I hate to confess this but, cough my exact EDD**, etc.).

This baby is no less wanted than Natalie, not at all, but I just don't focus on the pregnancy in the same way that I did. For one thing, I am tired all the time, more so than in the middle of gestating Natalie. And the pregnancy experience isn't new, either, so my thoughts tend to be, "Ahh, I remember this," or, more likely, "Ecch, I remember this," or, "Huh, that's different," but there's less belly-gazing in confusion, wonder, and curiosity. (Except for the movement. THAT still gets all my attention. I love it.) Probably the biggest factor, though, is that Natalie takes up a huge portion of my time, thoughts, and energy, and wee Carbo gets what's left.

Here's another example. Our short list of names for this child is VERY short:

Yup - nada. I guess being named, " " would be a conversation starter, and make things easier for the kid when learning to spell, but boy would the bureaucracy have trouble with it. We've had two conversations about names since the pregnancy was confirmed and we got to a point where we felt a live baby was a fairly likely outcome, and neither discussion resulted in much more than a handful of names about which one mom felt somewhat lukewarm and the other mother slightly more enthusiasm.

The truth of the matter is, I probably think about Carbo as much as I did about Harpo in utero -- but the thoughts themselves are very different***. For one thing, a lot of the wondering one does about an unborn child has a different tenor in a subsequent pregnancy. Instead of wondering, "Will this baby be active?" or "Will s/he sleep well?", inevitably the wondering becomes more comparative: "Will s/he be as big as Natalie?" and "Will this baby talk as much as Natalie?" (And I KNOW you're not supposed to compare children... but is there anyone who DOESN'T???) Then there's all the worrying about managing two kids and giving appropriate amounts of attention to each of them. And worrying about sibling rivalry. And thinking about dragging the poor second kid along wherever the first needs to go, as opposed to being slavishly devoted to The Baby's Schedule.

I repeat, this child is wanted and loved as much as Natalie (and Coqui) ever was, and we are eagerly anticipating his or her birth and the growth of our family. I daresay by the birth, we'll even have some names picked out (lest we leave the task up to Natalie who has named two of her dolls "Other Baby" and "Aaa"). But the second verse... it really isn't the same as the first.

*She already does, in fact. She will sweetly talk to my belly and then moments later swat it saying, "I hit baby." The gentle and loving interest is far more frequent than the experimental mistreatment (she often tries to share various treats with the baby by holding them to my belly) but the harbinger of challenges to come is there indeed.
**I do actually know it but I've learned my lesson from last time and when people ask when I am due I tell them "Mid-September". And I have said this so often that I now think of it in those terms, and the actual EDD is not at the forefront of my brain. By August, I guarantee you it will be.
***Except the worries about something being wrong with the baby. Those are pretty much identical.

Feeling the Pinch?

2008-05-13T10:59:00.005-04:00

In an effort to post more and to harness some of the wisdom of my friends in the computer, I'm going to experiment with a series of posts about something that is on our minds a lot. As two teachers, we've never been particularly flush, but the past five years of medical treatments (fertility, molar pregnancy aftermath, and Lyme disease... not to mention mental health!!), plus the expenses of one child, soon to be two, have really started to put the squeeze on us. Add to that the fact that we live in the one of the top 5 most expensive metropolitan area of the US*, and, well, it's really starting to keep us up at night.

Regardless of occupation and location, everyone we know struggles with money to some degree. So I'm going to start a series of posts I'm calling Tightwad Tuesdays. (I'm sure it's not original but it was the best I could come up with these days!). My hope is that it will give us a chance to vent, yes, but more than that to share tips and ideas so we can all get by a little better on whatever we've got.

Today I'm just going to give a little background, but in the weeks to come I plan to tackle specific topics, posting questions and suggestions and hoping to get lots more ideas from all of you out there in blogland.

In an ideal world, we'd both be working part time, but that is beyond unrealistic where we live and in the occupations we have. We've been managing with me full time and Cait half time (which allows us to arrange free** childcare for Natalie) , but that model isn't sustainable with two kids - we couldn't make the free childcare work among other things. We've looked at the cost of fulltime daycare for one infant and one 2 y.o., and it's pretty close to Cait's take home - close enough that it's not worth it to us to have our children in bargain basement daycare and the added stress of trying to get all four of us out of the house each morning for chump change in return.

Our plan is that Cait will stay home F/T next year. I will be working, but I will take 12 weeks of maternity leave. Luckily, 6 weeks of that will be paid. Unfortunately, 6 weeks won't. So we are looking down the barrel of a VERY lean year, with a particularly thin patch around November/December (the lag time between when I resume working and when my paycheck picks up again). We have begun working on a budget and have already taken some steps to trim expenses, but we still have to figure out where to come up with money to do frivolous things like... eat.

Therefore, I welcome you to the inaugural issue of TIGHTWAD TUESDAYS!

So we don't all spend the next week gnashing our teeth in despair, I invite you to share some of your financial challenges in the comments, but also please tell us something in your life that is either 1) money very well spent, or 2) free and fabulous. Here are mine:

1) Money well spent: Sometimes, we are just so dead at the end of the week that it's really, really nice just to order a pizza. We wont' be able to do it as often as we do now next year, but I want to find a way in our budget that we can still get takeout or go out for burritos every once in a while. I know we can make pizza and burritos at home - and we do - but sometimes it's a really nice treat not to have to do ANYTHING but pick up the phone or get in the car.

2) Free & fabulous: The upside to both of us teaching is that we get more time together as a family than many families. I'm counting the days until June 20, when we get blissful family time together for weeks on end.

*ACCRA Cost of Living Index 2007
**Except for occasional psychological cost to us (not Natalie).... If you know who one of our caregivers is, you know what I mean.

Backed Up

2008-05-12T20:03:00.004-04:00

I just want you to know that I am blogging in my head. I realize this isn't very helpful or interesting to YOU, but I do think about the blog, and write fragments of posts. Quite frequently in fact. I suppose I ought to go over to the Twitter Dark Side, but for one thing, I'm still enough of a ~~Luddite~~ ~~cheapskate~~ idiot that I pay $0.15 per text message, so I don't think it's a good plan. Not to mention that my cell phone doesn't work where *I* work. (Can you Twitter from a website?) Anyway, I have these ideas, sometimes nearly complete posts in my head but they never quite get out, no matter how much I try.

Since this has become pretty much a parenting blog, we now have the obligatory poop reference. Natalie is having similar output problems, but hers are more, shall we say, organic. She is very close to being out of diapers for daytime but is having a lot of trouble in the poop department. She just doesn't seem to know HOW to poop in the toilet, or perhaps she is scared, but no longer poops in diapers much unless she's asleep.* It's becoming a major problem and led to a near war with my mom, who accused us of pushing her too much too soon and scarring her for life (we are only potty training at Natalie's interest and insistence - she went through a major diaper refusal campaign, so what else were we going to do)? So we read a lot about poop, and talk about it being ok in diapers or potties, and listen to Poopsmith, and oh, dear lord the fiber, the fiber! Unfortunately, we're now 4 days since the last deposit, and despite clear discomfort and a LOT of time spent on a potty or in a diaper today -- nada. Suggestions ARE welcome.

*There have been a handful times when she did poop in the potty, but it was mostly accidental.

In Which I Read and Review a Book for GROWNUPS! Wow!

2008-05-09T06:40:00.000-04:00

They tell you, "You can't judge a book by its cover." Well, as a librarian, let me tell you that people DO judge books by their covers. The cover is a huge part of whether or not a book will move off the shelves. Kids will turn up their noses at a book with a dated cover, one that "looks boring", or doesn't look like them. And I'm not that different from the kids I teach, honestly.

If I hadn't received a review copy of Marjorie Greenfield's The Working Woman's Pregnancy Book, I probably wouldn't have paid too much attention to it in a bookstore or delved too deeply into its Amazon listing. And that would have been a shame, as there is much to praise in this book. But the image on the cover is of a pregnant belly in a tasteful black maternity top, while the belly's owner looks at a cell phone or PDA in her manicured hand.
It's a far cry from what pregnant, working me looks like, and the image just doesn't resonate with me. Opening the book and perusing the table of contents doesn't help, either, as the chapter titles are puns from the white collar world: "Mergers and Acquisitions (Getting Pregnant)", and "Going Public (Weeks 14-26)" to name a few. I was uninspired when I began reading, but slowly (yes, like a pregnancy) it grew on me.

The adage is true - you can't judge this book by its cover. While it appears to reach out to the corporate career woman - a narrow slice of the working world, indeed - it is broad in its reach and includes voices of women in a wide array of jobs. The frequent quotes were some of my favorite parts of the book, and came from, among others, a FedEx courier, a supermodel*, teachers, librarians, secretaries, lawyers, a police officer, doctors, a factory worker, and a governor**. Oh, and the author herself, although she doesn't make it clear she's quoting herself, which bothered me a bit (Marge G., obstetrician). The quotes brought a reality and warmth to the book which made it fun to read, and really helped present the vast spectrum of working experiences in America. They were still slanted to the middle and upper class (the only housecleaners and nannies mentioned in the book were those employed by the interviewees) but were a far more representative sample than I originally anticipated.

As I read the book, I realized I was at a bit of a (self-created) disadvantage in reviewing it. Despite my obsession with reading and research, I have read very few pregnancy books with which to compare it. In my first pregnancy I read the Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy (ugh, don't ask me why - worst piece of heterosexist drivel I've wasted my eyeballs on) and started on What Never To Do When You're Expecting (or whatever it's called)... and then descended into the nine levels of miscarriage and molar hell. When I finally got pregnant again, I had no interest in pregnancy books. Eventually I read a lot about childbirth (and when I got paranoid about a particular symptom, I'd look it up in the Mayo Clinic Complete Book of Pregnancy and Your Child's First Year - not a good choice for hypochondriacs!), and I did refer to Your Vegetarian Pregnancy for nutrition information (great resource!), but I didn't read any of the gazillion pregnancy books.

So I don't have much to compare TWWPB against, and I did sometimes find myself unfairly comparing the latter part of the book, which address labor and birth, against the books I've read which focus entirely on birth preparation and experiences. It's an unfair comparison because TWWPB tries to be much more, and does a very admirable job.

It covers everything from pre-conception through the return to work and the beginning of the long, long juggling act that is working parenthood. Greenfield is warm and supportive, and shows compassion for survivors of infertility and miscarriage. She provides basic information on unassisted conception, an introduction to testing and options in fertility treatment, and a thorough but succinct overview of the various stages of pregnancy, prenatal testing, medical care, childbirth options, labor, birth, baby care, and the eventual return to work. The interplay, positive and negative, between working and procreating is the underlying theme of the book, but it is often a subtle background refrain. Although the work-specific chapters are less than a quarter of the total, they will be tremendously useful and informative for working women, particularly those who need or want to resume working after their children are born. In particular, the section on "Laws Related to Pregnancy and Work" (p.184-189) is more comprehensive and comprehensible than any other resource I've seen to date, and I wish I'd had access to it prior to my first child's birth!

I have quibbles, of course (would you expect anything less?):

I was surprised that the discussion of childcare was left until the very end of the book, when it's such a difficult hurdle for so many families, and often requires a great deal of research, legwork, and planning during the pregnancy.
The author mentions her love for the book Getting to Yes so many times I began to wonder if she was getting a cut from the publisher.
I wish the recommended reading sections had been appended to each chapter instead of in one large resource section at the end. And I was appalled at the omission of Taking Charge of Your Fertility from the "On Getting Pregnant" list.
Post-Partum Depression gets minimal coverage, and depression during pregnancy, which has been a challenge for me and several of my friends, is barely mentioned at all.
The initial presentation of prenatal care and childbirth options is very comprehensive and remarkably open to midwifery and out-of-hospital birth -- for a mainstream pregnancy book. The labor and birth chapters are a bit more skewed towards the typical medicalized birth, and don't always present complete information about risks and benefits of interventions or alternatives.

Those (mostly) minor issues aside, I found TWWPB to be an interesting and informative read, and other than the stress of the review deadline looming over my head (way to draw the second-shortest straw on my first MotherTalk review!!) I enjoyed reading it. I would recommend it to any of my friends pursuing pregnancy as a good overall resource, and a starting point to a pregnancy library (which would of course need supplementation, particularly in terms of childbirth education). All in all, I liked it much more than I expected when I first pulled it out of the package and flipped through the book. So I guess I'll keep telling the kids not to judge books by their covers....

PS - I would be remiss in my very lesbian blog to overlook the fact that Greenfield is welcoming to mothers of all orientations, explaining in the preface that she will discuss partners as male but was aware and supportive of other family configurations including single moms and partnered lesbians. I was delighted to encounter that statement in the first page of text and it did make the frequent "father" references easier to swallow.

*Identified in the book as Cindy M. Cindy C., I could have figured out. Any ideas for Cindy M.?
Update: Ok, my good friend Google helped me - I think this is Cindy M. Can't say I'm really up to speed on my supermodels....
**That one was a little easier. How many governors have given birth (to twins, no less) in office?

It's a...

2008-04-22T11:16:00.003-04:00

...healthy baby! Try as I might, this tech was too good at hiding stuff for me to get a defining glimpse. (Jen didn't want to know, so we were going with a "don't ask don't tell" approach). We got lots of views of the heart, though. And the brain. The kid has all the necessary organs and limbs, and a profile that bears some resemblance to Natalie's, though maybe with a more defined jaw. I'm having weird anxiety about raising a boy (which I think is just where any undefined anxiety about a second child is choosing to reside right now), so we picked up some reading on the way home. If it ends up being a girl, well, I can give unsolicited advice to others. (Note from Jen: I am convinced that in buying that book we have guaranteed a girl... but who knows?)

(In the picture just added, Carbo is on the left, and Harpo/Natalie is on the right)

Growth

2008-04-15T13:51:00.003-04:00

I guess one might say she's grown a bit over these two years, eh? This morning's pediatrician appointment put her at 32 lbs., 10 oz. and 34.5 inches. She can still rear-face! But, only for a few more ounces, so at some point in the next few weeks, we will be turning her carseat around. Sigh. These pictures were taken when Natalie was a few days old, on her first birthday, and today, her second birthday.

Two

2008-04-14T21:23:00.003-04:00

If you ask Natalie how old she is, she sticks out her index fingers, puts them next to each other, and says, "TWO!" And when we wake up tomorrow, indeed, two years will have passed since she joined us on the outside. While we are firmly in the stage of testing limits and asserting independence, I continue to be immensely grateful and eternally awed that I get to be her Mama. Watching her personality unfold and listening to her language explode over this last year have been fascinating. We laugh a lot around here these days.

Things we're enjoying:

Demands to "Look how sees!" in the mirror when trying something on or being silly.
Two pacifiers crammed into her mouth at once, just because she can (and because it makes us laugh)
That she insists her new crocs from Jen's mom are really called crocodiles.
That when she picks up a book, she either recites both the title and the author, or begins to make up her own story based on the pictures.
Her obsession with diapering her dolls with her diapers, and the conversations she has with herself and her babies while doing so.
That, despite (or perhaps, because of) our best efforts, she has declared that her favorite color is pink, and is not backing down.
Listening to her play with time and family words, trying to figure them out ("she's my granddaughter..." "On Friday I read that..." "My daddy was two days ago...")
Her memory (while Jen and I were chattering back and forth trying to remember my mom's new dog's name, Natalie quietly chirped, "Rocket!" She was right.)
Her glee while playing with the basketball hoop from my dad.
Her imagination and all the unexpected ways it comes out.
Her newfound knowledge of our given names, and the glint in her eye when she barks, "JEN! CAIT!"
The counting to "thirteen, and thirteen, and thirteen, and THIRTEEN!" before jumping (stepping) off of things. (though she can now actually get off the ground when jumping with both feet)
The occasional spontaneous "I love you," and the many, many unprompted hugs and snuggles.

We love you too, kiddo. Happy Birthday.

Look! A Post.

2008-04-12T21:16:00.006-04:00

I think we should rename this place "Blogging Problems". There has been a distinct lack of posting in the past few months. I thought I'd try to redeem a bit of that, but it ended up mostly being somewhat grumpy reportings on the state of the pregnancy. However, the alternative is continued radio silence, so forthwith the ramblings of my tired and somewhat whiny mind (with a few positives at the end).

This pregnancy, much more so than Natalie's, has impacted my ability to eat and my interest in food. I've had nausea every pregnancy, but this time it was much more severe, and lasted longer. Even once it passed, I have been much less interested in food, but still needing to eat frequently. Needing to eat a lot and not liking food, when you are a person who usually LOVES food is such a pisser. Grrr. I've thrown out homemade cookies that have GONE BAD because no one has eaten them. It's been over a month since we got our Girl Scout cookies and I have eaten one and 1/3 box out of three. I have NEVER had GS cookies in my house longer than a week! The ones from the open box are getting a bit stale, even! Stale Girl Scout cookies? That's a SIN! And yet? I'm gaining nearly as steadily as I did with N, and started out heavier than I did with her.
Even during pregnancy, I feel a tension in caring for two kids, and compromises are being made. On the one hand, I have less energy for Natalie and have had many an evening when I just lay on the couch. I'm still nursing her, but if there's any milk left, it's very little indeed. While she's still passionate about nursing, the amount of time actually spent nursing is minimal. As for wee Carbo, s/he just isn't getting the kind of attention that the dynamo formerly known as Harpo did in utero.
The biggest similarity to the first two pregnancies is the tremendous hit to my energy levels, motivation, and ability to get things done. I envy all those women who bounce around at 13 weeks saying, "Don't you love that second tri burst of energy?!" (And they really are out there. Just go to the due date boards on The Site We Love To Hate.) I did get a trickle of increased energy at 18 weeks... only to be felled by a cold a day later. It's still dogging me. I hope it will wrap up this weekend and I will have a bit more energy. Please.
Time is passing much more quickly this edition. I am astonished to think that I am 19 weeks today, almost half done... except when I look in the mirror. There is one helluva belly sticking out already. It's comparable to what I looked like at 6 or 7 months last time and I'm not even 5 yet! Aack!

HOWEVER,

I'm starting to be able to feel the baby move from time to time, and it's just as awesome as last time. It's equal parts reassurance - phew, it's still ok - and wonder - wow! There's really something in there! Cait has felt a few pokes, too. We're both greedy and want MORE!
Natalie is very excited about the baby. Many evenings when we would otherwise have been nursing, she pats and pokes at my belly, sings to the baby, hugs the belly, and says, "Hi, baby!" (She also pushes on my belly with a devilish grin, saying "Push baby!" -- knowing she is not supposed to. We are in for it.) She talks a lot about sisters and brothers... though mostly sisters. "I have a sister!" she often says. (But don't think she's onto anything. This is the same kid who proclaims fairly often that "I a big boy!")

Lest you think I am a complete selfish brat, I do of course know we are so lucky to have this opportunity. Despite my whining, this really has been pretty easy so far and I am lucky that the only things I can complain about are the usual complaints of pregnancy. No matter the compromises and the fights which are sure to become commonplace in our house, we are so excited to be having another child to bring joy to our lives and companionship and challenge to Natalie's life.

Felt Food Fun!

2008-04-10T10:58:00.003-04:00

April 08 011, originally uploaded by jrustdc.

A bunch of blogfriends got together and had a virtual sewing circle, making felt food for our kids to play with. We swapped them with each other so each ~~of us~~ kid got a set to play with.

We also made 2 extra sets to be auctioned. We're selling both a full set and pieces through the U.T.E.R.U.S. auction. They're listed slightly differently (I don't know why) so here's the link to them. Buy! Have fun! (I made the noodles in the colander... a colander is included, BTW.)

One Click Shopping!

2008-04-03T12:49:00.002-04:00

Thanks to C, we now have a real, working link to the U.T.E.R.U.S. sale! Hooray.

UPDATE: And now thanks to Jody, we have a link to the US version (the items were first posted on UK eBay but are now mirrored to the US... hence the peculiar prices).

I note there are ~~as yet no~~ currently FOUR bids for the cookies. ~~Ahem.~~ WOOOHOO!

Buy Stuff! Buy Lots of Stuff! (UPDATED)

2008-04-02T20:16:00.004-04:00

~~Here's the link to the eBay listings for the U.T.E.R.U.S. fundraiser.~~

Ok, I tried to make it easier, but failed. (Thanks for the tip, Cinnamontoast!)
Slightly more complicated approach:
Go to eBay UK. Click on "advanced search" toward the right in the top yellow bar.
In the far left column under Find Items, choose "Items by seller."
Enter "uterusbrigade" and click "Search".

Then bid on cookies and other cool stuff!

Go check it out, and see if there's something you'd like. Every penny helps Cali!

Take Back the U.T.E.R.U.S.

Psst! Wanna Buy a Cookie?

2008-04-01T21:32:00.002-04:00

All hail Mel! She's found a way to have the Internet's biggest garage sale and give the money to our dear Cali to help with her FET! So far, Cait and I are planning to sell the following through Project UTERUS:

-2 dozen AddProb chocolate chip cookies!!! You know you want them!

-NWT Liz Claiborne little black dress (6 petite... clearly Cait's and not mine!)

-NWT Old Navy pink s/s shirt with bows at sleeves (M... oddly - what with the pink and bows - also Cait's!)*

More to come...

*She wants me to say, "and you can see why it's still NWT!")

Take Back the U.T.E.R.U.S.

Poor Second Kid

2008-03-28T13:34:00.002-04:00

I feel like we chronicled every noteworthy (and many a non-noteworthy) moment of Natalie's gestation. Second child gets rare mention here, and has had all of two belly shots taken thus far. For those interested, here's the 10 and 16 week comparison. Apparently there actually IS something happening in there.

We had some moments of terror on Monday as the midwife searched and searched for the heartbeat. We started to breathe a little when she said, "I certainly hear lots of movement," but didn't really exhale until she finally found it. Natalie actually knew what was happening this time, and was pretty fascinated. She sat with Jen and grinned at the sound. (We also took advantage of the visit to weigh Natalie, who can still safely rearface in her carseat! Woohoo!) Jen goes back and forth about whether she's feeling movement yet. I think I can, occasionally, but maybe that's just my pulse.

We visited friends with new triplets yesterday. Wow is about all I can say. I bow to those of you who have had multiples. After our gargantu-child, I have trouble comprehending the size of an average newborn. These guys were just teeny, though certainly not as teeny as some. And then there's the matter of having three of them. Along with a toddler. Remind me of this when things are seeming overwhelming in September, eh?

On a totally unrelated note, thanks to Art-Sweet, Poopsmith is now among Natalie's favorite songs. She has yet to heed its advice, but has been listening to it on repeat. Guess what's stuck in my head today?

One Should Never Post Success Stories...

2008-03-26T20:37:00.002-04:00

...unless one is fond of very quickly eating one's words.

Natalie woke from a too-short nap in a funky mood. Within a few short hours, she tested several limits, received multiple reminders about being gentle with her body, and soaked two pairs of underpants. We put her in a diaper, walked to a park far from a restroom, and played quite happily for a while. She returned with a dry diaper and cheerfully peed in her potty upon the diaper's removal. Toddlers are fascinating creatures.

Oh, but our car is back with a new, functional, tire.

Potty On, Dude

2008-03-26T10:25:00.002-04:00

This Spring Break may go down in history as the Break of Bodily Functions and Minor Disasters. Thankfully, as of this moment, Jen and I have managed to escape Natalie's stomach bug (god, I hope I haven't cursed us by saying that). And the other bodily functions are much more exciting, as they involve new steps and milestones.

Natalie has been mostly diaperless around the house of late. She either goes bare, or wears training pants, and has become more reliable about telling us when she needs to pee. Within the last few weeks, she has also started asking to pee when we're out, but has been intimidated by big, loudly flushing toilets in public restrooms, so has quickly given up on attempts to pee, and has more often ended up holding it until she floods her diaper so quickly that she soaks her clothes as well.

Yesterday we had a breakthrough. While shopping at the brand new Target (first one in the city--a block from my school), Natalie demanded "pee potty right now!" We made our way to the family restroom, where I held her over the toilet and she peed! She nearly exploded with pride right then and there. Next we went to hang out with some friends, where she did the same thing on their big toilet. Her diaper remained dry all morning.

After her nap, we decided to build on her success and let her wear training pants while we ran a few more errands (a feat not yet attempted in - rather, out of - this household). She peed in two more public restrooms (at her request) and stayed dry. On the way home, I cut a corner too close and flattened our tire. We were convinced that the delay while changing the flat would kill our potty success for the day. Amazingly, it did not.

The flat has killed our plans to go to Baltimore today, but we're on day 3 of no diapers (except sleeping) and no accidents. Apparently the Easter Bunny was right on in adding big girl underpants to her Easter Basket.

Next on the list: handling the pooping fear. Luckily, Natalie picked up some potty reading from her aunt this weekend, so she's up for the challenge. I'm not sure we are, but only time will tell.

There's One!

2008-03-24T12:49:00.001-04:00

There's One!, originally uploaded by jrustdc.

Natalie recovered in time to go to church!*, hunt for eggs, eat more chocolate than we'd have liked, and generally have a great time with family. More Easter pics on flickr.

*Natalie was so excited to be going to church! that it almost made me feel bad that we don't take her more often. Almost.

Not Exactly What We Wanted...

2008-03-22T07:55:00.004-04:00

Perhaps Jen should have been more specific about what type of jumping she was hoping for in her earlier post. We did indeed spend the night jumping. Jumping to grab towels, jumping at little noises and cries, jumping to add things to the very full washing machine...

Yes, Natalie kicked off spring break by catching a stomach bug. It was not a fun night. We can only hope that the day gets better. I suppose hoping we escape the puking ourselves is futile. Instead, I'll just hope for naps today.

Good Friday. Very Good.

2008-03-20T20:35:00.002-04:00

Spring break began for me today at 3:23 pm. Cait still has a half day, but as soon as the kids are gone tomorrow mid-day, she's free too. We are thrilled beyond belief at the prospect of a week off, and the first school break in YEARS where we are not traveling at all (well, we didn't go anywhere for spring break 2006 but we were a little preoccupied).

The pregnancy is so far uneventful and presumably healthy, but it is really taking a toll on me. Both of us, really, as Cait is the one to pick up the slack when I am exhausted and/or cranky. Which is a lot of the time. :( We're also at the frustrating point where there really aren't any symptoms to speak of (other than lingering vague nausea and general disinterest in food irritatingly combined with near-constant hunger) yet neither of us can feel the baby. My waist is definitely expanding, and I had to pull out some maternity clothes recently, but I'd really, really, like to be able to feel this kid so I could have a greater level of confidence that things are going as they should.

Thankfully, Natalie continues to be a delight, and makes us laugh and grin constantly. Things we're enjoying lately:

She knows that the midwives use the Doppler to listen to the baby's "heartbeep" and for a few days said it sounded like this: "honk honk"! Now, after many readings of Hello, Baby, she says it's "ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom".
When going down stairs, she counts them in Spanish (thanks to a Chilean babysitter). I think she's related to Bono because she counts, "Uno, dos, trece." My favorite, however, is 4: "cua-te-lo".
She has finally learned to jump for real. We still get a fair amount of one leg leaving the ground, but she truly can get some air time with both feet. It came in handy after Cait & Natalie went to a frog exhibit at the National Geographic Museum with the Hydrangea crew - she spent the rest of the week jumping, hopping, ribbiting, and eating "dirt" (bugs).

Hopefully we'll all be jumping by the end of this week of vacation: moms, Natalie AND wee Carbo.

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na

2008-03-06T10:59:00.003-05:00

... I say it's my birthday.

It is, actually. So far it appears that what I am getting for my birthday is a head cold.

That's not entirely true - I have gotten phone calls from my extended family, hugs and kisses from my immediate family, and the sweetest thing ever... Natalie saying "Happy Birthday." Can't beat that! And a very cool present (scroll down to see the really pretty picture) is on the way.

But really, did I have to get sick ON my birthday? :P

Things Are Looking Up

2008-03-01T19:24:00.000-05:00

Our Girl Scout cookies have arrived.

Remembering

2008-02-29T20:39:00.002-05:00

My contribution to A Day to Remember...

We went into the ultrasound expecting reassurance. We knew the midwife hadn't been able to find a heartbeat, but SHE wasn't worried, so neither were we. 12 weeks was still early for a doppler. There may have been some touches of concern lurking in the dark corners of our brains, but mostly we were stupidly, naively hopeful. The tech took some measurements transabdominally, not saying much. We should have known then, but didn't. I was still waiting for them to get to the right angle--the one that showed the growing baby, the one with the heartbeat, that we'd seen a month earlier at the RE. The tech left, and came back with someone else. The fear was growing, but I still didn't want to admit it. He switched to the transvaginal wand. As the image came up on the screen, there finally was no denying it. Everything was still. Quiet. No flicker of a heartbeat. No movement. Little growth or change since the last time we'd seen it. Jen started to cry. I buried my head in her shoulder, having seen more than enough. In the little dressing room, Jen angrily threw her newly-purchased pedometer into her bag. What the fuck was the point of getting exercise- of anything, really- if this baby was dead?

We spent the next four days curled around each other on the couch. On the fourth day, the remains of our first hope were removed from Jen's body and taken to pathology. We thought that was the end, but it was only the beginning of months of betas and waiting and toxic injections and anger and fear and watching other people become parents when all we wanted was for our fucking miscarriage to finally end. It finally resolved about a month before that child would have been born.

Our next pregnancy had the same due date, but a very different outcome. There was no giddy optimism this time, but somehow, to our surprise, there was also no disaster. Natalie was born in April, as the bush planted for Coqui bloomed a second time. When people remarked that she looked or acted so much older than she really was, we joked that she'd gotten the extra weeks from the first baby. Maybe she'd needed two tries before she was ready to be born, or maybe somehow that first child had passed on part of its spirit to her. We didn't fully believe it, but at the same time, we never fully doubted it either. Somehow, in this "do over," we'd gotten back a piece, however small, of what was lost with the first pregnancy.

It seems like forever ago in some ways, but I can still call up images of that day with remarkable clarity. I still know what I was wearing, what I would have done at school if I'd gone that day. I still see that too-quiet image, and I still feel the uncertainty that loss introduced. There is no blind faith that everything will be OK. There is no giddy joy. But there is intense gratitude for what we do have, and knowledge of what it means to be truly lucky.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...

2008-02-29T20:25:00.001-05:00

...we were rejected by the nursery school we fell in love with.

The FIRST Part of the Week was Good

2008-02-29T08:58:00.002-05:00

The drama continues and multiplies...

Yesterday I ended up going in to teach one class and one class only. They didn't come because the teacher had screwed up her schedule and double booked the class.

I picked up Natalie and successfully kept her awake on the ride home (yay) and DID get her to go down for a decent nap with little difficulty. No complaints here.

The plumber was supposed to come by 2 pm but did not show until 3:30 or later. Not surprised, but not happy.

They DID determine the cause of the leak (fist sized hole in drainage pipe!!!) and repair it, but no one has stepped up to take responsibility for the damages to our unit. I'm not worried - we're not going to pay for it - but I am not looking forward to the process.

On the way to drop Natalie off this morning, a car in the middle lane drifted further and further into MY lane, practically running me off the road. As a result, when I turned the corner, I clipped the curb with a loud bang, freaking Natalie out. THANK GOD the tire seems ok.

Half a mile later as we sat at a light, another car behind us tried to squeeze by to get in the left turn lane. Bang! She smashed the rear left of our car and kept going. I was shocked for a few seconds, noticed her mirror dangling freely in the wind, then realized I could pull into the turn lane behind her. I did, and honked. She ignored me. I honked some more. Finally she lifted her hands and shrugged. Steam began to pour out of my ears.

In a righteous fury, I wrote down her license plate, car make and model. The light turned, and I followed her around the corner. This particular road has a big gravel turn off on the side of the road where I figured we'd stop and exchange info. But she kept going AGAIN. At first I thought, well, if that's the way you want to play it lady, and kind of enjoyed the thought of siccing the cops on her. But we stopped at a red light so I figured I should pull up next to her and make sure she realized there really was damage to both our cars.

"Do you know both our cars are damaged?" "Yes... I was going to stop." (Me, goggle eyed.) "But you didn't stop at the pull off." "Well, I'm going to stop up there at the next pull off." "I do have your license written down." "Don't threaten me!" (Me, stunned again!) "You hit ME and you didn't pull over!"

Then I shut up, for everyone's sake. We did pull over and exchange info. She was very weird. She looked at the damage on our car and said, "That's nice," two times, in a completely ordinary tone of voice. It was like reading something online and being completely unable to determine the writer's mood. But I got her info and I will be calling my insurance company shortly. Usually I try not to bring insurance into things but I am not completely trusting this woman and that's exactly why insurance exists.

On the whole, I can't complain about this week. Nobody is puking, we have a roof (albeit wet) over our heads, I am still pregnant and we got to see the bean wiggling away, and I have a wonderful family. But YE GODS, enough with the calamities and repairs, ok?

PSA

2008-02-28T21:12:00.001-05:00

All right, kids, the grammar and spelling bitch is back in town.

For the record, if you are crying hysterically, you are "bawling".

If you are "balling" you are doing something else ENTIRELY different.

Timeline

2008-02-28T06:48:00.002-05:00

5:00 pm - Coop babysitting mom calls to tell us her son (whom we've watched the past two afternoons) has been puking since they picked him up yesterday. Maybe we don't want her to watch Natalie tomorrow?
6:00 pm - Call Gram - she can backup babysit but only until 1:30 pm. Fine. Will leave work early.
6:30 pm - Attempt to put Natalie to bed. Discover sippy cup has leaked on bedroom floor. Clean up.
7:55 pm - Natalie finally asleep, after much fussing, occasional gagging noises, and 3 mom shift changes
9:30 pm - Natalie cries and makes weird noise
9:33 pm - Cait calls for help - Natalie is fine, but water is racing down the walls of her room, flooding the floor.
9:34 -10:20 pm - Moms call upstairs neighbor repeatedly, mop up floor, relocate crib, rescue water damaged books, rug, curtains, lay out all towels on floor and windowsill, set up pack & play in moms' room
9:34-10:20 pm - Natalie parties in crib watching moms do very weird things
10:21 pm - Moms crawl into bed. Natalie refuses to get in P&P
10:21 pm-12:05 am- Moms try music, rocking, nursing, singing, snuggling, ignoring, explaining, pleading, but Natalie will NOT go back to sleep.
12:06 am- Natalie is finally quiet and stays that way.
12:06 am-5:20 am- Moms and Natalie sleep somewhat restlessly. Moms jump at every rustle, certain that puking is about to begin.
5:20 am- Natalie cheerfully starts chattering.
5:30 am- alarm goes off.
5:30 am-5:45 am- Moms hit snooze and try to convince Natalie to sleep just a little bit more. Natalie tries to convince moms that sleeping is for chumps.
5:45 am- Moms drag themselves up and investigate status of Natalie's room. Flooding has ended. Damage yet to be determined. Begin morning of many overtired meltdowns. Continue begging universe to let the stomach bug skip our house.
7:00 am on...only time will tell.

Nuchal

2008-02-27T13:59:00.002-05:00

We had our Nuchal Translucency scan yesterday. We didn't do this test with Natalie, and I can see now why we avoided (and will continue to avoid) most testing, but it was good to see the kid, and to get some reassurance that he/she is still there and still growing.

Before they did the scan we had a long conversation with one of their genetic counselor-type people. She did a great job of explaining things to us without being condescending, and we both really liked her until the end when she suggested that Jen might want to get a late ultrasound just to make sure that this baby isn't too big to deliver at home. Um, OK.

But really, she was fine and though talking about all the horrible things that can happen left us feeling unsettled and a little bit wishing we hadn't decided to go this medicalized route, it was OK. There were some pictures on the table that showed enlarged NT measurements, so we looked at them while she was out of the room so we'd know what to look for during the scan.

After more waiting, they finally called us back. (Did I mention that I'd had caffeine earlier that day and that combined with anxiety and a longer-than-expected wait was making me a horrible, twitchy, terrified mess? It's a wonder Jen didn't kill me right then and there.) Immediately we could see the baby squirming around and looking much more human than at 7 weeks. The heart was beating away, so while the tech measured the heartrate, I focused my attention on the back of the neck. And OH MY GOD, the space there was HUGE. My heart started pounding. A prickly feeling of dread flooded me. Our baby clearly had some horrible genetic condition, and I was quickly convinced that he/she surely would not survive.

And then the tech switched angles and started measuring. And I realized that what I'd been seeing was the space between the neck and the sac. The actual NT measurements were all below 2. (They wouldn't tell us anything one way or the other, but from my googling, it seems that that's an acceptable measurement.) Once I saw her measure a few times, I was able to relax a bit and enjoy the wonderful things our bean was doing, like rubbing his/her face and kicking. Oh the kicking. And the squirming. I remained jittery, anxious, and over-caffeinated, but was able to admit that in all likelihood, this kid would probably be OK.

Following his/her sister's example, Carbo measured 13w1d at 12w3d. This time, however, we were able to reassure the tech that our first child measured way ahead at this point too, so managed to sidestep the whole "are you sure of your dates?" conversation.

Natalie has been figuring things out little by little, so we finally gave up and just told the poor kid last night. We had been planning on waiting much longer, but seriously, between a book she saw while visiting friends, and a baby shower we went to over the weekend, she and I had been having multiple conversations a day that went something like this:

"Baby in Nanee's belly?"
"No, honey, babies only grow inside grownups" (yes, I know there are many exceptions to this rule, but I'm not ready to go there with my not-yet-two-year-old)
"Baby in Mama's belly?"
"No, honey, there's no baby in Mama's belly."
"Baby in Mommy's belly?"
"Uhhhh...maybe someday. Would you like that?"

Her first act as big sister? Crumpled the ultrasound pictures. This is going to be fun, isn't it? So, the funny lines and scratches in this picture are her work. I'm already reading Siblings Without Rivalry.

Adventures in Pottying

2008-02-25T22:21:00.003-05:00

We're sort of potty training. And when I say sort of, I mean we hadn't really planned on doing it yet, but Natalie went through this "NO DIAPER!" phase and as a result we've been allowing lots of bare-bottomed time as she wants it, and talking about potties a lot and ending up with a lot of pee in the potty but quite a bit on the floor as well. All while trying to be as low-pressure as humanly possible, but still hoping that we won't be mopping up puddles for the next year. On Friday, Jen decided we should just give up for a while because Natalie is in a fabulously oppositional stage which makes the whole deal a little tricky at times. However, yesterday and today she wanted nothing to do with diapers, and was able to make appropriately timed requests for the potty. But I'm not here to brag about how my child will by out of diapers by 2 (Because she won't. Not by a long shot.) No, I'm here to write about...The Poop-cident. You may want to stop reading now.

Natalie has had a habit of being a naptime pooper. Many a nap has been cut short by an untimely poop. So really, we haven't had to deal with poop much in this potty endeavor. The few times we have, it has seemed like she's possibly a little scared of the whole pooping on the potty deal. Which is not that unusual, really, and is no big deal to us. So we've tried to be extra laid back about that. This afternoon, however, it became clear that she really did have to poop. We tried the potty to no avail. We discussed options, and she decided she wanted to poop in a diaper. No problem. We put a diaper on, she went back to playing with C (our Monday toddler companion), and I went back to doing dishes. And then she began to cry.

She was pooping in the diaper and clearly distressed by that, so we took the diaper off, sat her on the potty, and she finished there. She was pleased with herself and quite anxious to examine the poop in the potty. Excellent. Progress made. She went (bare-bottomed) back to playing with C, and I once again returned to the dishes. And then there was another cry.

She was pooping again, this time with nothing to catch it. Begin high-speed poop calculus. The closest potty involved crossing area rugs- too hard to clean with two toddlers. Playroom floor is wood, so easy-clean, but second toddler might have too much fun with any...droppings, while I dealt with cleaning her. I suppose I might have been able to grab a potty and make it back in time, but, honestly it didn't seem likely. So...I grabbed the poop. Right before it hit the floor. Yes, with my bare hands. Ran it to the bathroom. Returned, grabbed still-pooping child with unscathed hand. Dropped her on potty. Began scrubbing hands. Child happily finished pooping, this time for good.

Gave up on dishes.

See What I Mean? I Can't Even Come Up with a Title.

2008-02-24T17:21:00.002-05:00

I must be an incredibly shallow and self-centered person because every time I go to a funeral* I end up thinking two things 1) I wish I'd known that person better and 2) Wow, I am so inadequate. I've never done ANYTHING like that in my life. No one is going to say anything like that at MY funeral. (Then there's usually a side detour about what kind of memorial does a completely non-religious person have anyway? but I digress.) Or maybe it's that I know all of these astonishing people. I don't know.

I went to the memorial service for the mother of my best friend from high school today. I left feeling like an intellectual gnat, a cultural ignoramus, and a failure as a feminist. I *should* be thinking about my friend's mom, and the loss my friend is enduring. Instead, I am fueling my inadequacy by blowing off a meeting I should be attending and sitting on the couch in a self-centered, melancholy funk.

In that whole circle of life thing, Cait and Natalie spent the afternoon at a baby shower.

*except my stepmother's memorial. Then I thought about what a lousy daughter I'd been.

Thinking

2008-02-23T20:58:00.004-05:00

Turns out I don't know how to blog anymore. One might argue that I never did in the first place, but let's leave my writing skill (or lack thereof) out of this. The real issue is that I don't know how to blog about this pregnancy.

When we got pregnant with Natalie, we had just had one of the worst years of our lives. Between the loss of the first pregnancy, the discovery of the molarness and the long, long aftermath, it felt like we'd "earned" that pregnancy. I know that one doesn't earn or not earn such things, but I guess what I mean is it felt like we'd earned the right to post unabashedly about it. It feels different this time.

Friends (online and IRL) who have been trying for years are still yearning for a baby. Of four people in our little buddy group who all got positive tests around the same time, only two are still pregnant. Having had my share of people I hated because they got pregnant so easily (or accidentally!), I don't like being that person. Somehow it also feels different because this is our second. Like we're greedy for wanting (and getting this far) with a second while some people are still trying for their first. I guess I'm having survivor guilt, and I don't know what to do about it.

Because at the same time, we're happy about this. And things are looking OK, at least for now. Today is 12 weeks. We heard a heartbeat last week. We have the nuchal on Tuesday. Jen's body is starting to change. Natalie inadvertently outed us to some friends today (we haven't even told her yet, but...well, apparently she's noticed enough to clue other people in). So far, so good. It just feels wrong to be publicly happy when that could make other people feel bad. And we all know that all the good could come crashing back down around us at any time.

So I guess this is my apology, both for the lack of posting and for any pain our pregnancy has caused anyone. Here's hoping that there's joy coming to everyone somehow...and soon.

Waaaaah.

2008-02-10T14:22:00.001-05:00

We said we weren't going to do it. We cringed when other people did it.* But today...we cut our daughter's hair. For a long time it was hidden well enough by the curls and the pigtails, but really, Natalie's hair was quite uneven and only getting worse. A bit mullet-like, but really more just messy and shaggy looking. Now don't get me wrong, I loved the shag and the long curly back. But even I could admit that it was starting to look a little wild-child-ish. And Jen's mom began hinting that if we didn't do something about it soon we might pick her up one day to find it done for us. So we figured it was better to take matters into our own hands.

We didn't touch the front. Neither of us felt comfortable cutting bangs, and then we'd just have to keep cutting it. We'll just continue pulling it back so that she can see. And really, it continues to look a little wild because of the curls. But it's a more or less one length wild now. And there's a little baggie of curls to waiting to be added to her woefully neglected baby book. Waaah.

*No, not at the results. Don't go getting all offended. We admitted the cuteness of the after shots. It was more the implication that these children were growing up, and the slightly older look post-cut.

Pathetic

2008-02-05T18:32:00.000-05:00

Jen is tired and nauseous. I am tired and achy, enjoying a prolonged flare of Lyme symptoms. Or something. Jen's hormonal changes+travel+a cold+the 2 year molars that are finally almost breaking the surface=crappy nights of sleep for Natalie (and therefore, me) since...before Christmas? Progress reports were due last week, and conferences are this week. Natalie, of course, has lost no momentum. Add in the ebb and flow of feelings of doom*, and you have very little...anything. So to save you from weeks of postlessness (all two of you who read us anymore), I present Natalie, who never lacks something to say. While eating lunch one day last week, she started telling me she wanted to go to the zoo. What I caught on film is not as good as the original, but it'll do.

Zoo from Jen and Cait on Vimeo.

*No, nothing has happened to indicate anything bad. It's just hard to trust that everything will be OK. Having Natalie has shown us that sometimes it does work out, but a lot of the fear and the inability to be blindly happy is still there. Does that ever go away after having a miscarriage? I'm inclined to say no, but I have little to go on other than my own experience.

Noted

2008-01-25T19:54:00.000-05:00

Have you ever sang a song with intentionally altered lyrics so many times you forget the real lyrics? We sing "Psycho Baby, qu'est-ce que c'est*" to Natalie all the time. It is an AWESOME song to sing to babies. They are psycho A LOT, and the rest of the lyrics are useful, too: "Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa**... better run run run run run away." Yesterday I heard the original on the radio and was baffled to hear the original "Killer".
Natalie loves music - she always has. She's starting to "sing" more and more these days, though there's very little tune to her singing - it's more like spoken word performance. She does, however, like to create lullabyes on her bathtub xylophone. She bangs on a key over and over, hollering "Lullabye! Lullabye!" VERY soothing.
The other day in the car, Natalie asked for a song but it took me a LONG time to figure out what she wanted. She said, and this is a direct quote/transliteration, "Something ham run away." Can you guess the song?

*Which I would spell "kess ca say" because I don't speak that weird language. "Qu'est-ce que c'est"?!?!?!?!?!? WTF?
**I think the French spell it "fha's fha fhasq...".

Now with picture!

2008-01-22T07:58:00.000-05:00

Houston, we have a heartbeat!

We're calling it "Carbo" since Jen's been eating nothing but bagels....

Silence

2008-01-21T21:25:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the silence. Both of the adults in the household have had colds, which has made keeping up with the younger member of the household more exhausting. We also have an ultrasound tomorrow morning, about which we are becoming increasingly apprehensive. One way or another we should have something to say tomorrow, though.

The Spinning Wheel

2008-01-13T17:52:00.000-05:00

The past few days have brought more than a few moments of deja vu, except it's more like being Alice and going through to the other side of the looking glass.

Friday night, we left Natalie at bedtime with a babysitter for the first time ever. Up until now, she's only ever been cared for by a family member or J&J, the other family we swap care with. J has been taking care of her since she was four months old, and I half-seriously believe that Natalie thinks she's a third mom (and she definitely tries to call the other J "daddy" but it weirds us all out!). But my stepfather turned 80 this week and we went out to dinner at a tres posh French restaurant past Natalie's bedtime, so we had a neighbor's daughter, K, come and stay with her. Although Natalie knows K, she has not been cared for by her previously, and therefore cried pathetically, reaching for us in a way that mangled our hearts as we left. Cait was tense and worried for most of the night, and I dealt with it by compartmentalizing it and trying really hard not to think about it, but we did manage to stay for the entire dinner -- and only called once (she did not pick up*, but we'd told her it was ok not to). Dinner was, by the way, outstanding.

As we approached our front door, I was overwhelmed by memories of my years and years of babysitting, with the jarring knowledge that this time I was not listening for the key at the door, but instead turning the key in the lock. I paid K more than she was "owed" as had happened many times to me, finally understanding from the parent's perspective that I would have paid far more if I'd had it, knowing that Natalie had been well-cared for. It was indescribably odd to be the one employing the babysitter after a lifetime of being the babysitter.

As it turned out, Natalie cried for about 15 minutes after we left, but K sang to her and she fell asleep in her arms. The next morning, Natalie asked each of us repeatedly if "K come play after nap?" and we were much relieved.

Jenny and Ezra welcomed Elsie Jane into the world not quite 18 hours ago, and I have already had the privilege to meet her. (A brief pause to welcome E.J. and give MAD PROPS to her moms... she is utterly adorable and her moms are unbelievable troopers, having endured an incredibly lengthy prelabor, the rigors of childbirth and THEN a harrowing transfer to the hospital to stop Jenny from bleeding. Everyone is fine now and Elsie is as cute as a button.)

The visit, too, proved to be a bit of a time warp, both backwards and forwards, as I gazed down on the tiny being making adorable but unskilled attempts to nurse. I could hardly remember Natalie being so new (she was never so small!) and it's amusing to recall that my voracious nurser who attacks the breast like a ravenous shark was once incapable of latching on without making me feel shark-bit! At the same time I was keenly aware that if we are lucky, we'll have a tiny one of our own next fall and we will go through the whole learning curve again.

We also began the great nursery school hunt this weekend. I feel like I am applying to college all over again, which is completely absurd! All we want is a nurturing environment where Natalie can get some opportunity to socialize with other kids her age. It's thoroughly overwhelming and rather daunting to try and "win" a space when there are fewer than 10 spaces available and easily that many or more families at one of several orientations. If I think too much about it, I start to panic.

At the same time, I know it will be an eyeblink before the new baby is here (god willing), and then not so long until Natalie is the one doing the babysitting, and after that really applying to college. I'm really trying to live in the present so that I can savor what I have now, like the delicious interval this morning tickling and giggling with Natalie as we played on the couch. That's a moment I would gladly experience over and over again.

*She couldn't find the phone, as mentioned previously. Turns out I had put it on top of the laundry hamper where it was subsequently buried by clothes. And, for those who are curious, the missing poop was found on the stairs and hastily dealt with. It was, thankfully, a very self-contained turdlet.

Mishaps

2008-01-12T18:18:00.000-05:00

At 6 weeks, the extra B vitamins Jen is on seem to be holding off nausea, but we seem to be running into problems where brain function is concerned. Oddly, this occasionally extends to me as well (or maybe I just like to have excuses...). Cases in point:

Last weekend Jen went shopping. She bought Natalie's much loved whole milk yogurt. Unfortunately, the plain and vanilla versions of this yogurt come in nearly identical containers. She bought vanilla. Being tired and not wanting to deal with stores, we tried it. Natalie refused to eat it.
Thursday after picking Natalie up from her babysitter, Jen tried to pick up milk. While they were in the store, she managed to lose the car key. As it was raining, she spent an hour sitting inside the store wrangling a tired, hungry, restless toddler until I could come rescue her with another key.
Last night, while we were getting ready to go to her stepfather's 80th birthday party, Jen answered the house phone. We have no idea where she put it when she was done. The battery is now dead, so the find handset feature won't work. Over 24 hours later, the phone is still MIA. It's a good thing we have another one.
Today Jen asked me to make cornbread. Somehow in the whole "how many batches?" conversation, and the distraction of a toddler, I measured four times as much honey into it. We have VERY sweet and slightly odd cornbread to go with our chili tonight.
This afternoon, Jen changed Natalie's post-nap poopy diaper and then carried it upstairs to de-poop and dump in the diaper pail. Moments later, I heard a call from upstairs. "Don't let Natalie wander around! I can't find the poop!" Luckily, that was found much more quickly than the phone.
This evening, as she returned from the grocery store, Jen was mid-comment about how she had really made sure that she got plain yogurt this time, when she looked down at the bag and swore. It was plain, but it was also nonfat.

And (should we be so lucky) things will only get crazier from here...

UPDATED AGAIN "Probably Boring" Update

2008-01-11T11:07:00.000-05:00

Jenny asked me to let folks know that so far nothing much has happened. She's had intermittent contractions and tried just about everything under the sun to get things going but to no avail. Even the dreaded castor oil just made her miserably uncomfortable with no help to her labor.

Please send some "get the hell going" vibes to her uterus. I will keep you updated as I hear anything.

New information - 1/12
Jenny's fluid now has a yellowish/brown tinge, so they are going back to the birth center.

11:15 am
Jenny just called - the baby looked fine on the ultrasound and the midwives believe it's probably more bloody show. There might be a small amount of meconium in the amniotic fluid but it's not enough to be concerned about and is not affecting the baby. They have sent her home again. The best news is that she is 4 cm dilated so the midwives are optimistic that things may get moving soon.

2008-01-10T12:36:00.000-05:00

Excuse the previous 'post': my phone got overzealous.

2008-01-10T10:42:00.001-05:00

2008-01-09T08:02:00.001-05:00

One sac. Everything looking good. Next appointment in two weeks.

Big Brother (no, not that kind, the BAD kind)

2008-01-08T20:30:00.000-05:00

ARGH! I am so pissed off! That site (you know, the one we love to hate - the cycle charting one with chat forums) has blocked us from posting. And our heinous crime? Trying to suggest a website where someone could buy cloth diapers. Even though I have seen other people do that, and the forum in which I was posting has a long list of web links in its own description (which includes the site I was suggesting). Goddamn censorship!

2008-01-08T08:00:00.001-05:00

Jury duty. Very cranky. Cannot have CHILDREN'S scissors. Allowed to have children's scissors on AIRPLANE for god's sake! Can't sew w/o scis! Grr.

Plaid is Love

2008-01-07T13:02:00.001-05:00

Second Beta

2008-01-02T20:14:00.000-05:00

1500 at 18 dpo. Doubling time 1.27 days. Ultrasound a week from today. Is this really happening?

Overheard

2008-01-02T06:49:00.000-05:00

Whenever Natalie is on a bed, or anything even vaguely resembling a bed (e.g. a folded towel on the floor), she bounces up and down, saying:

Jump jump
Fall off
Bump head
Doctor said
No more monkeys
BED!

Last night and this morning she was heard singing:

Twinkle star
Howa wonner are
Uppa world high
Diamond inna sky
Twinkle star

Unfortunately, she will not perform either on request, so video is currently unavailable.

Auld Lang Syne

2007-12-31T22:23:00.000-05:00

We are stuffed, tired, and boring tonight - and this may be one of the best New Year's Eves of my life. Natalie went to bed at an almost normal hour, we had way too much yummy Ethiopian food with J&E in an attempt to coax their little one into being born, and we're lounging on the couch drowsily contemplating bed. And we got a very nice beta hCG result this afternoon: 506 at 16 d.p.o. (i.e. undeniably pregnant, at least at this moment).

2007 was very good to us; I hope that 2008 will equal or surpass it. May it also bring peace, health and happiness to you and yours.

A VERY Merry Christmas

2007-12-27T16:52:00.000-05:00

Hallmark could not make a pretty card out of this holiday.

Our trip here was mostly uneventful but fraught with worry, as flights before and after ours were cancelled, and car seat installations in our ground transportation were anything but kosher.

Cait and I gave each other the washer and dryer for Christmas, and agreed not to get any other gifts. We did break down at the last minute and buy a few Hershey kisses for the stockings, but that was it.

We spent Boxing Day at an urgent care clinic with Natalie, who has a nasty cough and a touch of bronchitis. She now has a four drug regimen (Tylenol, Triaminic, amoxicillin, and albuterol in decreasing order of tolerance) and is almost herself again, as evidenced by the strength with which she fights the inhaler (it takes us both to administer it, and we could use another mom!).

While we have seen many family members and had a wonderful time with all of them, we've also spent hours in the car shuttling back and forth around the metro area to do so. As a result, Natalie, who as a sick kid needs her sleep more than ever, has not had a normal nap or bedtime since we left home.

But none of it really matters, because this morning we got the best Christmas present of all:
Two lines. It's easier to see in person, but it's definitely there.

Merry Christmas indeed!

(9:25 PM I reduced the highlights in the photo to get rid of the flash glare and reposted it.)

2007-12-23T14:15:00.000-05:00

We made it! Hallelujah!

2007-12-23T10:47:00.000-05:00

On the plane. FX.

2007-12-23T09:12:00.000-05:00

At the airport. Totally foggy. Flight prior to ours cancelled. Not looking good. Aaaaaaagh.

Merry Christmas, Cali

2007-12-18T15:46:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas, Cali, originally uploaded by jrustdc.

Ask and ye shall receive. At least electronically. I wish I were in control of things uterine and could ensure that you will indeed receive what you REALLY want. Here's hoping!

2007-12-17T16:39:00.000-05:00

OMG. How can we still have a President who doesn't know how to pronounce 'nuclear'?! So embarrassing.

Really?

2007-12-16T13:50:00.000-05:00

We can chalk up another (mild) intervention this cycle. I'm now on the coochie bullet train, too, although if you believe the dispensing instructions, apparently we are ALL supposed to take them.

"Take 1 capsule per mouth twice a day per vagina."

I can't really see how boosting Cait & Natalie's progesterone will help, though.

Eggs and Toast!

2007-12-13T22:54:00.000-05:00

A *clink* of the hopefully-last-alcoholic-champagne-for-least-9-months glass to Cali, as we trigger in near unison tonight, and lots and lots of eggy thoughts headed directly towards your ovaries.

However, NOT like this:

Or this:

And this, while good for the rest of you, is not exactly what we have in mind either.

Just lots and lots of THESE:

And so. much. LOVE!

Buried!

2007-12-09T13:16:00.000-05:00

We did get snow, although only enough to net me a two-hour delay on Thursday (for which I am grateful, if still hoping for a real snow day in the next two weeks!). But I am buried not in snow but in bits and bytes. The firewall and router for our community's Internet connection died Thursday night and it took a couple of days for service to be restored. In that time, I amassed a pile of email and a COLOSSAL load in Bloglines. I am working my way through both the email and the blog posts, but I am way behind in replying and commenting. So if anything exciting happened to you since Thursday, I'm sure I will find out and respond appropriately, by NEXT Thursday if not a tiny bit sooner.

The timing of the outage was pretty good, as we were very busy prepping for and throwing a baby shower for Jenny and Ezra, with a little bit of potty training madness around the edges*. Unfortunately, I didn't get to make the party music mix based on your fantastic suggestions, but if I host another shower someday I'll have the baddest baby music playlist in town! Pictures and more about the baby shower are forthcoming, I hope.

We're also headed full speed towards Christmas (with a Hanukkah party to attend tonight for good measure). Only 6 days until our first family celebration (gifts purchased: 0), with another a week later, and two more the 24th and 25th (gifts purchased for the other three celebrations: 5, 80% of which are for recipients too young to know the difference, and the other 20% for someone who says she no longer wants the non-returnable item). And cards, and gifts for friends, and and and!

Tis the season for insanity, fa la la la la la la la la!

*We're not pushing the potty training but Natalie has learned to remove her diapers and spends a lot of time yelling "No diaper! No diaper!" so we are going with the flow, so to speak.

Photo Printing & Holiday Ideas

2007-12-07T09:42:00.000-05:00

We do an annual calendar using pictures of Natalie as a gift for grandparents and other relatives. I start with the CD case calendar creator tool at FD's Flickr Toys and hack it from there. I'll put the whole hack and directions up later, but right now I need some input.

Has anyone ever used the photo printing site whoblinked.com ? They only charge $0.30 per 5x7, and I may be able to get a discount from there so it's even less. That would make the cost per calendar $3.60 or less! But I want to be sure they are good quality as I can get them for $0.39 each on snapfish. I also want to know how quickly you got the photos as we are cutting it close with some of our holiday celebrations.

Input and suggestions of other photo printing sites welcome!

2007-12-06T16:07:00.001-05:00

Cait and I are hosting a baby shower for some of our favorite blogfriends on Sat. Help us: songs with the word 'baby' for our soundtrack? Thanks!

Washing the Blues Away

2007-12-04T11:26:00.000-05:00

Failed cycles should always be followed by major appliance delivery. I'm still sad, I'm still worried about whether this is ever going to work, still searching for answers all over the internet. But I'm doing laundry, people. Laundry. In beautiful new machines that arrived just hours ago. Machines with, to quote Natalie, "lossa buttons." Machines whose drums light up when their doors are opened. I put diapers in, pushed a few buttons, and now I can ignore them until it's time to put them in the dryer. Two cycles worth of effort all rolled into one!

Now when I go up there, those diapers had better be stink-free, or I'm going right back to yesterday's pit.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like...

2007-12-03T12:47:00.000-05:00

...IVF.

I was stunned to visit the bathroom between classes to find major spotting. The jury is still out, but it seems very likely that Attempt 2.4 was another failure. It's early -- only CD12 -- so I have a call in to verify that my progesterone was ok when they took it on Wednesday. This is the second time in less than a month that I have been caught completely off guard. The first was the poor FSH results, and now this. It's not that I was expecting to be pregnant this cycle (signs and symptoms were ambiguous as always) but I thought I had a couple more days and a couple more HPTs to ease me into this.

Cait and I haven't even had much time to process the consult with Dr. Smiley last week, in which he recommended that we could stay the course, or jump to IVF. Cait did call and find out that IVF is covered on my insurance, and does not seem to require that I be married. I have no idea what we will decide, but the fact that IVF is even on the table is blowing my mind right now.

Aack.

Fashion Advice from Natalie

2007-12-02T20:24:00.000-05:00

No, I don't think Natalie will be going into fashion design anytime soon (and if she were to, she wouldn't be getting the genes from me!). However, she does have very pronounced opinions about my wardrobe.

Whenever I put on a jacket, or she realizes that I am wearing a sweatshirt, sweater or some other garment that puts a second layer (well, third, counting the bra) between her and my boobs, she commands me to take it off. "Off. Mommy. Jacket." Mind you, she ONLY nurses before bed and first thing in the morning anymore, so it's completely irrelevant. "Sweater. Off." We have long conversations about when nursing time is - she even freely admits that it is nowhere near a nursing time, but she is undeterred. I don't give in, but it's highly entertaining.

Unfortunately for me, she's learning to zip and unzip pretty well....

NoMoPoMo

2007-11-30T21:47:00.000-05:00

(I wonder how many other people came up with that title?)

Phew. It's done. It was definitely a change of pace to blog daily, even multiple times a day. I hope that I'll stay in the habit of blogging regularly, though I am certain it won't be daily! At times it was overwhelming to have so many posts to read on other blogs, but I really enjoyed getting to hear from some friends and bloggers who, like me, had been posting less and less frequently prior to this month. And it was fun figuring out how to blog from my phone (which came in handy when I got unexpected test results and had no Internet access).

Even though I still think it's nuts to do NaBloPoMo in November when the holiday treadmill begins, in a way it got me conditioned for the madness that is December, even if my "spare time" (ha!) in December will be consumed with cards, baking, wrapping, crafting, etc., instead of blogging.

Buh-bye, November, and buh-bye NaBloPoMo!

When All Else Fails, Post a TTC Update

2007-11-29T21:27:00.000-05:00

I guess it happens to everyone who's doing NaBloPoMo, but at least I made it for 28 days first.

I've got nothing to say. Nada. The brain is buzzing and hissing like AM radio in the middle of nowhere.

So I will resort to telling you that we have indeed done three HPTs so far, but in our defense we are "testing out" the trigger. There is still some residual hCG in my system but not much - there was a pretty faint line two days ago and very faint lines yesterday and today. Unfortunately, we don't know what the dose was of the shot so can't do truly obsessive calculations to predict when we should get no line. Meaning we will keep testing. All in the name of science, of course.

But If I Were Julie...

2007-11-28T21:37:00.001-05:00

... that last post would have been some hysterically funny commentary on fashion choices at the RE's, complete with new fabric designs. Because no one who works at a REPRODUCTIVE ENDOCRINOLOGIST'S should wear scrubs with cute, pastel, swaddled, giggly babies on them.

What would be appropriate patterns for Julie to create?

I think a nice array of needles, bandaids, and crumpled tissues would be a big hit.

What are your ideas?

Noted

2007-11-28T21:02:00.000-05:00

We had our consult with Dr. Smiley today, and we emerged feeling pretty good, considering that all is not sunshine and rainbows. I had a list of questions that we took with us -- and one of the reasons I left feeling good is that he complimented me on the thoroughness of the list! -- and rather than try to develop a tight narrative that stuns you with its precision and beauty, I'm going to copy over my questions and scrawled notes.

Thanks to Shelli and Liza who reviewed the list before the appointment, making suggestions for improvement, and Shannon* who tipped me off to AMH testing, which earned me BIG smartypants points with Dr. S!

Is the elevated FSH a real problem or possibly a fluke?
Perhaps both. Anything over 10.2 worrisome, but FSH "pulsile hormone": can't ever know whether you caught it at peak, low, or somewhere in between. Stressed that researchers hypothesize high FSH may indicate fewer eggs, but no way to determine egg quality. FSH levels not adversely affected by stress, diet, other lifestyle factors.

Could prolactin be interfering with the FSH level?
Prolactin only lowers FSH levels. Not a factor after 6+ months of breastfeeding. He is totally unconcerned by nursing. (Note to self: did not ask about nursing while on injectables or other IVF meds!)

Is there any point in checking other things – inhibin B? AMH/MIF? Antrals? Thyroid? Clomid challenge? [Ed. note: no fucking way am I going near clomid after so many stories of psychosis!!!!]
All crude measures which (except Clomid challenge) could corroborate diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve (DOR). No point in Clomid challenge if FSH is already ^. Injectables can serve both as a response to DOR and a way to determine how bad it is. If respond with 3-4+ follicles, reserve is OK. If respond poorly (0-2), screwed.

Generally speaking, what do you do to address elevated FSH?
Not Clomid (see above) [Ed: Yay!] W/ ^FSH, tends not to help ovulation but does usu. mess up lining.
Injectables, but beware risk of multiples.
Best plan: IVF because reduces risk of +++s

Mother’s fertility as predictor? Impact of previous pregnancy on odds of success?
Mother's fert can only be used as negative predictor
Previous pregnancy indicates presence of some good quality eggs [Ed: Except that whole molar mess.]
In my case, Mom's fert. at 40+ and my own fert history is encouraging but not necessarily predictive.

Let’s develop a plan to maximize odds for the 87 remaining vials:If needed, repeat FSH testing on CD3 next cycle. No need for AMH or inhibin B testing yet. Check antrals.
If either reveals further problems, ramp up plan to next step. Perhaps test anti-thyroid antibodies.
If FSH no worse and decent antrals, keep on keepin on 2-3 mo.
Then, inj. and/or IVF.

*Get a blog, woman! You are too damn funny not to be blogging!

Damn

2007-11-27T19:31:00.000-05:00

When I learned that Hope and I would be trying to get pregnant at the exact same time, I was so excited -- we were due only days apart with Quinn and Natalie -- and also apprehensive. "If we are trying together, it makes the odds worse," I said to Hope. "Instead of one good and one bad possibility, now there will be three potential negative outcomes and only one positive."

I've been thinking about those words a lot lately, because I was wrong, so wrong. Even though it was hard to hear that they were pregnant while we were not, I was still happy for them and glad that conception had gone smoothly a second time. But my error went farther than that, because I'd only been thinking about getting pregnant, not staying pregnant. This outcome is far worse than anything I was envisioning in August. The tables are turned, too, because now we're in the midst of another TWW with the possibility that we will emerge pregnant while Hope and Megan are not.

I so wish that things were different, that Hope were still pregnant and getting sicker all the time, while I turned just the palest hint of envious green. But the crappy truth is quite the opposite, and all I can do is send my love and apologies out across the ether, and whisper a sad goodbye to the littlest eggplant. You will be loved and missed, little one.

Knitters, Help!

2007-11-26T20:33:00.000-05:00

I really don't get picking up stitches. I can do it, but the whole process of figuring out how to pick them up evenly is incredibly frustrating and seems like I am making it MUCH harder than it has to be.

This is a picture of my most recent attempt - I took a whole sheet of paper to calculate and recalculate what pattern of skipping and picking up stitches would yield the target. And in the end I winged (wung?) it.

Please share any wisdom you have about picking up stitches.

PS - These calculations were made during the Jim Trelease seminar, hence the note about HP (for you, Jody!)

Keeping the Toaster

2007-11-25T17:16:00.001-05:00

New Disposal, originally uploaded by jrustdc.

Cait fulfilled her annual Dyke Point Quota this afternoon installing a new, bigger and more powerful disposal to replace the one that left our kitchen smelling gross. Disposals are a two-fer: water AND electrical!

(Meanwhile I earned OCD points by painstakingly restoring some damaged board books, organizing our photo CDs, and packing away old baby bottles.)

Why we shouldn't be entrusted with our daughter's moral education

2007-11-24T22:10:00.001-05:00

Somehow I doubt that participating in Buy Nothing Day really counts if you then go out the next day and spend a horrifying amount of money. Even if it was kind of by accident....

And, if truth be told, we did end up buying stuff on Friday, too, although it was 11:56 pm. (I wasn't actually trying to wait until Saturday - it just worked out that way.) So really, I was a complete failure at the whole BND thing.

How did we spend, um, thousands of dollars sort of by accident? Well, it was a little something like this. First of all, the purchases late Friday night were suggested by Cait as a way to cut down on the amount of running around we had to do this weekend. We did have plans to pick up some supplies for a baby shower we are hosting in a couple of weeks -- the only shopping we intended to do at all this weekend -- but Cait thought we could save ourselves some aggravation and avoid the post-Thanksgiving insanity by shopping online. She proposed this idea around 9 pm on Friday, by which time I'd basically forgotten that it was BND. I didn't think about it at all until the order confirmation email showed up timestamped 11:56.*

The rest of the purchases can be traced back to one word: stink. We've been working towards buying a new washer & dryer because the washer just doesn't work that well anymore (our clothes often smell mildewed and the cloth diapers have been getting downright funky), and last week we discovered that our disposal is only doing a half-assed job: it grinds the food but so coarsely that it won't go down the drain, resulting in a pulverized, rotting swamp. Not wanting to be wasteful members of our disposable society, we looked into getting all three appliances repaired, but research indicated it wouldn't be cost-effective for any of them. However, by the weekend, the various smells hung over the house like a dank cloud, and we started out this morning by looking at the advertising circulars to see if any of the models we were interested in were on sale. Cait was so frustrated by our odiferous house that she wanted to go out and by something, anything, NOW! to improve the situation.

Being the major tightwad AND research hound in our relationship (and also having forgotten to take my antianxiety meds two days in a row) I was not as enthusiastic** but agreed we could go out to a couple of big box stores to research the washer and dryer although I wanted to wait for a big sale before buying anything.

Well, even if I hadn't given it away in the first sentence, you'd surely be able to guess the rest of the story. We did do some price comparison (and I had done a fair amount of research beforehand) but we*** got suckered in by a couple of rebate offers and did upgrade to the ridiculously snazzy machine that will do everything including file our taxes for us. Cait is going to go for some major dyke cred tomorrow by installing a new disposal, and our laundry lives will be revolutionized in early December when our insanely expensive and cool new washer & dryer arrive and are installed. Assuming, of course, that they will FIT into the laundry closet. But that's another post.

Anyway, I'm not willing to calculate the monetary total of our absurd shopping spree for fear I would spontaneously combust right here on the couch. I will, however, list for you the ridiculous inventory of the day's take:

Stuff for the baby shower
Natalie's Christmas gifts (puzzle, bath toy, art paper)
A tank of gas
A latte, a chai, and 2 scones
Krazy Glue
Vent covers
Spray paint
Disposal, plumber's putty & plumber's dope
5.5 lbs of M&Ms
Hair elastics & hairbands
Coke and pizza
Teakettle
Washing machine
Dryer
Ice cream

I guess it doesn't look that bad without the dollar figures. And we need almost all of it (maybe not the Krazy Glue). It should also be noted that due in large part to a generous pre-holiday gift from my grandmother we can afford this, just barely. But I didn't INTEND to buy any of it except the baby shower stuff this weekend.

Ah well, doing our part for the economy. Or something.

*For the record, I don't think I've ever succeeded at BND but I've never had a failure so colossal - I usually end up buying groceries or kleenex or something that's more of a necessity.
**Understatement of the decade.
***Cait says it was ME, not we, who decided to go for the upgrade.

Post-Thanksgiving

2007-11-23T11:21:00.000-05:00

As Natalie and I "hungled" (snuggled) before her nap this morning, my mind wandered through bits and pieces of the last 19 months. I held her a little longer than I needed to, feeling her body relax, noticing her eyelashes, her smooth cheeks, and the untamed curls around her face. If we never have another child, I will always feel incredibly lucky. This is not a thought unique to today. Every day there is some moment in which the hugeness of it all hits me full force. This amazing child is ours. I don't know how we got so lucky. But somehow, we did.

This does not change the wanting of a second. Sometimes it makes me feel greedy to ask for another when we already have so much. I'm still asking though. But wherever the quest for a sibling leads, I hope I can always keep this feeling of luck and gratitude.

But if this cycle works, I'm naming the kid Tofurkey.

JoyFull

2007-11-22T22:16:00.000-05:00

Dear Natalie,

As I reflect on the things for which I am thankful this year, I am particularly pleased and grateful that you were able to share in the holiday cooking this year. Thanksgiving is a very meaningful holiday to me because it emphasizes two things that are important to me: family and food, with a special focus on gratitude.

You have been born into a family of cooks, or perhaps I should say many families of many cooks! We (by which I mean the wide circle of cooks) are not always good at expressing our feelings or our love in words -- although your Mama and I work hard to change that in ourselves, and we think we're pretty successful -- but we can serve up delicious meals packed full of all the love that's in our hearts.

This year you helped make the cornbread that was in the stuffing we ate today, and for weeks this summer you helped me water the chives that were in the sweet potatoes. You already enjoy cooking (and you've learned that cooks get to sample things along the way) and have even begun experimenting with your own methodologies, no matter how much Mama tells you that you don't need to keep moving the flour back and forth between the bowls.

We had a crazy day, with two complete dinners at both of your local grandparents' houses, but you held up well. You got to see and play with so many of your favorite relatives, and although you eschewed both of the holiday meals, you ate what you wanted when you wanted and thoroughly enjoyed it, which is the spirit of the day indeed. And everyone loved the cornbread stuffing and the sweet potatoes with chives, so you've assumed your place among the family chefs already.

I look forward to many more years and Thanksgivings with you, full of love, food, and fun.

Mommy

Um, Hello?

2007-11-21T21:14:00.000-05:00

Today's mail brought a jury duty summons for a person whose name no longer exists. In the past 21 months, I have been to the DC Courthouse no fewer than five times (and perhaps more, I have lost count) to change my name and participate in Cait's second parent adoption of my biological child. Yet this same courthouse, which has numerous documents with both my names on them, just sent me a jury summons in MY OLD NAME.

They keep saying they're cleaning up the bureaucracy in DC. I don't believe them.

Pick Me! Pick Meme!

2007-11-21T19:21:00.000-05:00

Here's a meme with a twist: Nordette Adams, an editor at BlogHer, hopes to interview 100 parenting bloggers in the next year and profile them on BlogHer. Your participation in the meme is more or less an audition or application to be interviewed, and you also get to suggest three other bloggers for consideration. As memes go, it's pretty quick and it has the potential to bring you new readers!

1.) I'm Jen, one of two moms writing here at Addition Problems about the ups and downs of lesbian family creation and lesbian family life.
2.) I would like to be profiled on BlogHer as a family blogger because a) I always love new readers and b) (so much more importantly) I want to continue to increase the visibility of lesbian families as part of the Me and Mine 100.
3.) Addition Problems is my first blog, and I started it two and a half years ago while waiting for my partial molar pregnancy (otherwise known as The World's Longest Miscarriage TM) to resolve.
4.) Hmmm. Now we get to the trickiest part, tapping three other bloggers to share in the memey goodness. I'll go with Jody, Art, and Bri. (Please, if I didn't pick you, don't be offended - it was pretty random, except for Bri whom I chose because I want to further her in her campaign to be a big famous blogger!)

Differentiation/insemination

2007-11-21T19:03:00.001-05:00

We've decided to spin the TTC events of recent weeks and months thusly: Child #2 wants firmly to establish her or himself as wholly separate and different from Natalie even prior to conception. If today's attempt works it will have been nearly diametrically opposed to the insemination that brought us Natalie.

	THEN	NOW
Location	Home	RE’s office
Time	Night	Midafternoon
Ambience	Tranquil	Clinical
Pharmaceuticals	None	Trigger shot
Cycle	3	4
People present	Jen, Cait, midwife	Jen, Cait, NP, RE, Natalie*
Known reproductive issues	Recent molar pregnancy	Elevated FSH
Monitoring	Internet OPKs, CBFM	Internet OPKs, CBFM, ultrasound, bloodwork

Last month we were hoping that the similarity of the third try would be our lucky charm. This month we're pinning it on the differences. Whatever it is, please let it work.

*A weird consequence of assisted reproduction is that one can be present at the conception of one's (hoped-for-but-not-assumed) sibling without quite the same ick factor!

Bang!

2007-11-20T12:11:00.000-05:00

We've all been shot. Er, given shots. It's been a busy and somewhat painful morning. But all appears to be well.

Yesterday, when calling the RE's office about holiday hours, Jen mentioned to Nurse Cheery that she'd been getting highs on the monitor since the end of last week. Nurse Cheery, somewhat concerned, invited her in for a wanding. On the house. You know things are looking rough when they offer you the free ultrasounds. Luckily, everything looked good in Jen's ovaries, and since this morning's OPK was heading toward positive, we decided to trigger. So, IUI sometime tomorrow afternoon, narrowly missing the holiday closures. My theory about the six days of high readings is that perhaps Jen's estrogen has been somewhat low the last two cycles, and is finally headed into a more normal pattern now. Which certainly would confuse the poor little monitor, and cause it to spit out weird readings.

This morning was also Natalie's 18 month appointment with the pediatrician. Pay no attention to the fact that she's already 19 months old. She demanded her "hicker" (sticker) almost immediately upon entering the exam room, and was slightly peeved that she had to wait. She reached full outrage during the measuring and weighing process, but came in at a healthy 33 inches and 30 lbs. 6 oz.! (I'll post growth curves for the geeks among us later this afternoon) The NP we saw was wonderfully sweet with her, and chuckled to herself that she certainly didn't need to ask if Natalie had 7-10 words, as she heard more than that within a minute of entering the room. Natalie got her last immunizations for a while, and of course was outraged again. She continued to sadly mention, "arms. hurt." after returning home, but is happily napping now.

I got a flu shot while we were there (Jen and Natalie had gotten them a few weeks ago when she took Natalie in for a random high fever), and we discovered a new complication of being a two-mom household. The office was busy, so a woman who normally doesn't do check-outs did our paperwork and took our payment. I held a still-whimpering Natalie and paid while Jen scheduled our two year appointment at the front desk. Sadly, I realized far too late into the process that the flu shot had been billed as going to Jen. Since we can't get insurance reimbursement for two flu shots to Jen, I spent the drive home on the phone with the billing office straightening out the mistake. (Entertaining side note: The paperwork the shot nurse came in with instructed her to give the flu shot to "Mom. Brown shirt, no glasses." Sometimes it's just fun to keep people on their toes.)

2007-11-20T11:19:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it's the little things. Today I am grateful for a parking space right across from the sandwich place, money on the meter, free samples.

2007-11-19T15:42:00.000-05:00

You know TTC has taken over your life when after using the lavatory, you look at the can and think, Damn, that's some good pee I just wasted!

Notes from the Fray

2007-11-18T21:23:00.000-05:00

We've been changing our shopping habits around here over the past few months, trying to make a more concerted effort to buy organic and/or local food when we can, and to shop more at the co-op and farmers' market. We enjoy it greatly, especially on the weeks when we can walk to the co-op and the market on Sunday morning. However, we're nowhere near ready to sever our ties to the big grocery stores entirely, and end up there annoyingly often. Thus, I found myself at our non-neighborhood Giant today (it's the closest Giant to us but not the closest store - that non-honor goes to a Safeway that has prettied itself up but still has piss-poor customer service).

What the hell was I thinking? I was there at 2:00 pm on the Sunday before Thanksgiving. So was everyone else on the planet. It could have been far worse, as we had gone to the co-op and farmers' market in the morning (and Cait ended up at the Safeway later in the day to pick up a prescription because they're the only ones with the generic -- so this shop local thing isn't really working for us in terms of curtailing our fossil fuel use!) meaning that I had a relatively short shopping list. I also ran into another school librarian and we chatted while we stood in line forever.

The trip almost went ENTIRELY down the tubes when it was time to pay. I'd gone to this store primarily because the last time I'd gone I'd gotten a fistful of register coupons for TWO DOLLARS OFF any health and beauty item. And you know what that means! Cheaper HPTs! Cheaper prenatals! Cheaper flaxseed oil capsules! And cheaper tampons! (Cover all the bases, you know.) When I handed the coupons to the cashier, she said, "I think you'll only be able to use one of these at a time." TILT! Whoop! Whoop! My internal fury system was tripped - I'd checked the coupons more than once before heading to the store and nowhere on them did it say that they could not be combined or were limited to one per transaction! She tried to scan in two, and the register rejected the second.

I'm very proud of myself - I did not lose it at that point, but paid for my groceries, collected my receipt (and another damn stack of $2 coupons) and marched over to customer service. I explained, forcefully but civilly, that the only reason I had come to the store was to use these coupons and I wanted $10 back. And?

The senior customer service person told the guy at the desk, "Give her the money."

Hallelujah! I don't usually win these kind of situations.

This Is Not Your Mother's Ovary

2007-11-17T12:56:00.001-05:00

By Tuesday of this week, NaBloPoMo was starting to get to me. I felt overwhelmed trying to keep up with all of my fellow NBPMers' daily postings, and I was personally really running out of things about which to write.... I *really* need to stop having thoughts like that!

The less-than-stellar FSH results this past week really threw me for a loop. One of the main reasons is that I have always harbored an ill-founded belief that I was unlikely to have trouble with my eggs because my mom got pregnant twice after age 40. I never had any illusions about other aspects of my fertility and would not have been at all surprised to have trouble with endo, PCOS, tubal issues, repeat miscarriages (especially since one of my mom's two pregnancies over 40 did end in a miscarriage, her second), or almost any other problem on the road to biological parenthood.* Intellectually, I knew that my mother's fertility was no guarantee of my own, but at that subconscious, gut level, I always assumed somewhat glibly that conception wouldn't be particularly difficult for me. I wasn't stupid, and I knew that the likelihood of conception would diminish with age, but I never expected to be ahead of the curve. The ease with which I conceived the first two pregnancies would seem to have borne out this belief (and the chemical pregnancies and the mole bolstered the correlary that I might have other problems).

Listening to my voicemail and hearing the nurse say my FSH was over 11 was a sucker-punch to the solar plexus and literally took my breath away. From friends' experiences and my general fact-filing I knew it was potentially bad, but I was uncertain as to the amount of doom portended. My hands shook on and off for the remainder of the afternoon and my ability to concentrate during the meeting I was attending was utterly shot. As a librarian and an inveterate data-hound it was utterly frustrating to be trapped in a meeting for hours after receiving the call, without access to the support and information available on the Internet. I was able to call Cait a few times and we have both been online as much as possible since Wednesday.

Our responses to the FSH results are the most divergent they've ever been in the four years of our fertility pursuits. Cait is inclined to believe that this is one bad number, possibly due to general post-partum, extended breastfeeding hormonal factors, and that the rest of my signs and statistics still look good, giving us no overwhelming reason to think we'll have huge difficulty conceiving. She is still very much interested in inseminating this cycle. By contrast, I have been pretty gloomy, contemplating taking a month off to get more testing done, and (as I am wont) attempting to devise plans and strategies to address the issue while at the same time panicking and worrying that Natalie is the only biological child I will have.** I think our differing perspectives are a direct result of the biology factor. It's my body that is misbehaving, and I am having trouble being objective or optimistic. Cait, on the outside, is more able to maintain an even keel and look at the whole picture.

Either one of us could be right. The undesirable FSH level could be explained by something as simple as lab error or odd hormonal interplay from nursing. It may be that we simply have too much information - perhaps my FSH (and my mother's, for that matter) tends to run high but I still ovulate good eggs with some regularity and will get pregnant sometime in the next several cycles. It's also still quite likely that my ovarian reserve is diminishing somewhat prematurely but that I will still conceive, with or without intervention.

The compounding factor is, of course, that we are using donor sperm, unlike my mother***. We have only eight vials left of our current donor. Neither of us has a huge attachment to biology, particularly given our own higgledy-piggledy families full of halves, steps, adopted and other sisters/cousins/aunts, but we like the way Natalie turned out. More seriously, we would like to provide as much genetic connection as possible for our kids given that they are/will be donor-conceived and at some future point may want to know more about their donor heritage. With an unknown donor, siblings or half siblings can help mitigate feelings of disconnection or loss. If we run through these 8 vials without success, we may have to switch donors. It won't be the end of the world, but it's another hurdle we'd like to avoid if we can. Not to mention the financial aspect of acquiring more sperm.

At any rate, four days after receiving the test results we have not acquired much in the way of hard information, but it has forced us to think through some of the hazy questions at the edges of our fertility plans. It's become quite clear to us that it is really important to me to try for one more biological child and even with possible fertility problems on my part, Cait is no more inclined to try than she was before this information. Our conversations this week have reinforced our belief that full biological siblinghood is not essential but it is something we do value. Cait's desire to have a child sooner rather than later has been made even stronger, so we will go ahead with an insemination this month, although in a twist MOST maddening, it appears that we do indeed have an appointment on Wednesday with Dr. Smiley but it turns out to be Wednesday Nov. 28!! So there is NO possibility of a detailed conversation with the doctor prior to ovulation at this point.

At least we've definitely gotten some NaBloPoMoFo(dder) out of the matter.

*I was also caught off guard by a molar pregnancy because they're SO goddamn rare I'd barely heard of them, but that's different.
**I would be thrilled to have another child by any method (me pregnant, Cait pregnant, adoption) but each option is a different experience and presents logistical and emotional repercussions that I am entitled to work through.
***And stepfather, of course, but even typing that is skirting too close to that about which I would rather not think.

Comic Relief

2007-11-16T21:38:00.000-05:00

We were out later than usual tonight at a family potluck for my class. When we got home, Natalie devoured mass quantities of "wodit" and then was ready to PLAY! We informed her that it was time to go upstairs and either take a bath or go directly to bed. She walked away saying something to the effect of, "mumblemumbleBUSYmumblemumbleMINUTE!" Jen and I gave each other a look of "did she really just say what I think she did?" and sat, dumbfounded, for a moment or two.

I decided to try again. "Natalie, it's time to go upstairs and take a bath." She looked at me intently and said in a calm but firm voice, "TIMER."

Yes folks, my daughter just told me there was no way she was going upstairs without fair warning and the appropriate allotment of time.

The teenage years are SO going to suck.